No more?

I really don't feel like celebrating the birth of our Lord. At least not in the Christmas-y way I've been used to for the past 15 years. I don't feel like giving any presents. I don't want any, either. So going against the current can't be all that bad. At least it makes me look original. Right?

Now ask me what I'm about to do. You guessed it, I'm rushing down to the store to buy presents, just like I did last year, and the year before and... so much for my resolve.

Ho-ho-holy shit

Now here's a post with a definitely bad-ass title. Too bad the rest of the post doesn't live up to it, since it's just me ranting about my sucky life.

I am currently undergoing some really hardcore holiday downers. I am a mess. My life is a mess, I am completely unproductive, uncreative... I can't seem to get anything done. I still haven't gotten my degree. Did I ever tell you it's EIGHT YEARS OVERDUE???

And of course, I'm alone. But you know what? God knows best. He's waiting for me to get my life out of the toilet before he puts somebody before me.

Thank you, Lord.

Fate has spoken once more

Well, hi there!!
I know I've been gone for a while, but I'll try to get you up to speed.
I work at the very same place.
Family's fine, by the way.
I am still alone.

However, I'm trying desperately not to freak out about that last thing. I want to believe that if the Lord has kept me alive is because he wants me around. And if no girl seems to want to be with me, then I must assume that it's His Will as well.

31... so what?

It's depressing to be so damn old and without a clue.
I don't have a freaking idea how to land a good job.
I don't know how to get girls
I don't know how to look good.
I don't know how to get a freaking grip on life.

The 100 Worst Porn Movie Titles of All Time

Oh, and they're not kidding.
These suck. And not it the good way.

Saying what's on your mind isn't always the best

I had a very unholy outburst just yesterday. A friend of mine called me up to tell me he was off to a three-day seminar. Since he isn't very religious, I applauded his effort to follow the Lord. But then I found out the church he was going to: God's House. A Catholic myself, I have the utmost respect for established churches: Orthodox, Lutheran, etc. But this "church" is nothing more than a marketing scheme focused on getting people's money.

So when he told me the name of the church he was going to, I couldn't help saying, "Oh, shit."

Abby, the architect

My sister Abby got her diploma tonight.
YEY ABBY!!

Lost again

I haven't really had much time to do my customary introspection, but I've been doing some of it here and there... the results are far from glorious.

I allowed myself to lose track of my real purpose down at the church group. True, when I started going there all I wanted was to meet new people, since all of my friends had gone off and gotten married and had started to have kids. So I made a few friends, and got more involved. Then something funny happened: I fell in love. I didn't really planned it. It just happened.

But, as most of my crushes go, she is totally not interested. And why should she be? Why should ANY of them should be? Even a street bum has more to offer to a girl than me. Ok, that's not true, but do I feel sad that there is so little interest in me from the opposite sex.

That got me thinking, and I've concluded that this is not the best time for me to have a girlfriend. I think I should stay off from chasing girls for a while. I have a lot of issues to work out. I need to really, really improve myself. I want to travel, learn new things and focus myself on serving the Lord. And I need to remember that He is the only one who will decide what the rest of my life will be like.

A brand new Kz!!

I am amazed at how well I'm doing nowdays.

It all started with the salsa class. I'm really enjoying my dancing skillz, and it's given me a lot of confidence. I've made a lot of new friends down at the gym.

I'm taking a creativity course, and it's been a breath of fresh air for my creativity. Doing boring jobs at Lexcorp had begun to oxidize my creative brain. It's good to make it shiny and new again.

I'm part of a church youth group, and it's making me feel really good about myself. Mainly it's helped me to boost my self-esteem to unseen heights. I no longer feel worthless or something like that. I now know that I'm worthy no matter what.

I attended a three-day seminar on motivation and leadership, and boy, it helped a lot. I now think that I too can be a leader, and I also know new ways of dealing with outside factors so that they don't affect me or my self-esteem.

I love my life, and I love myself.

Thank you, Lord. For making it happen.

Star Trek + Monty Python

It is truly something to see.

It takes a real man...

Just today, I participated in a salsa dance demonstration and a belly dance demonstration.

I learned that it takes a real man to be the only male in an all-female dance class.

It also takes a real man to go in front of an audience and dance salsa.

But it takes a REALLY, REALLY confident man to go out and dance salsa in front of a hundred people wearing a fucsia shirt.

Forget what I said before

Funny, isn't it? A few days back, I was moaning about the fact that I was all alone in the Youth Group. Now I feel as secure as can be. Why? I think I've started connecting with people. It's way too subtle still, but I think they no longer think of me as another guy.

Maybe it was the Monday email that the chief coordinator sent to all of the Group staff, praising my dedication and enthusiasm. Maybe.

Or maybe it could've been the fact that the girl I have the hots for told me that she was praying for the longest time for somebody like me to come along to help out the group with some mad graphic skillz. Yeah, that could've been it...

Actually, I was really moved when I realized I was the answer to somebody's prayers. I was really touched. No joke.

Warping brands

I think I've seen the video for George Michael's Killer/Papa was a Rolling Stone about a couple of times, and only now did I do so in its entirety, thanks to You Tube. Now, this is one of those cases where the song and the video just click in your mind, and remain there for years. This song is over 13 years old, and yet, I remember vividly when it came out.

What really blew me away was the fact that they created fake products that featured some of the song's lyrics. So you had Remember cream, and All Alone detergent. This form of brand subversion had been used in rave culture and it reached the video industry. When I first saw the video, I remember thinking, "Wow, you can warp brands and logos like that and get away with it? That's so clever!!" I guess that was the designer in me, stirring already.

Two of a kind

See the poster on your left? It's for Death Proof' the latest Tarentino movie. Take a good look at it. I did, and I couldn't help but notice it reminded me of something else. But I couldn't really put my finger on it.

I finally figured it out. If you only focus on the black area, you'll notice a faint resemblance with Israfel, one of the angels in Neon Genesis Evangelion.






Check it out:


Even the head and the skull in the same place!

Isn't it amazing?

What a mess

I am feeling a bit paranoid and insecure right now. And here's why: it seems that a lot of people that I've known for years have seen it fit to turn against me on a dime.

What shall I do?

No idea.

Cope, for now.

Revenge, when it's time.

And yet...

I've been investing myself evermore into the Youth Group I mentioned earlier. More people know me... and yet, yesterday I realized that... I am as alone as I always was.

I don't feel as if I've connected. Even after three months, I don't have any friends. I think the worst time is when people gather around to chat after the reunion is over. That's because I don't have anybody to talk to. When I attempt to start a conversation, it feels strained and awkward. I try not to externalize any of these feelings, because I don't want to be tagged as a downer.

So I feel that the original purpose of attending the Youth Group -to make new friends- has failed miserably. And yet, I think I'll keep going. Why? Because it makes me feel as if I have a chance to be a good person and be actually useful for once.

New phone!

Keeping up with the recent shopping spree that is sure to take me to the poorhouse, I bought a new phone this weekend. I must say, it's a really cool one. It's a Samsung SGH-E250. It's a slider type of phone, and it's very light and fits anywhere. It also has two features that oughta come in handy: Bluetooth and an FM radio. I've never had either one of those things on a phone, so it's gonna be interesting.

And what's the first thing I did once I got it? I made a custom wallpaper for it:


Yes, I am a dork.

Another Potter movie, another wasted afternoon

I really don't know why I even bother anymore. Harry Potter and its related paraphernalia are totally foreign to me. I fail to see the magic, pardon the pun.

Maybe it's because I got into Potter's world thru the movies. Maybe if I had read each of the 10,000-page books, I could've found the interesting aspects in the story. But I don't really care about it all.

And yet, I keep going to see the films. Maybe the reason I keep throwing my money away is twofold: I don't like to be kept out of the loop, and Potter is really big. You don't get a lot of jokes nowdays if you know nothing of the Hogwarts and the Slytherins and everything else.
The other reason is that I keep trying to unlock J.K. Rolling's secret for marketing this crap for millions.

Poor Jessica Alba

She's had a rough patch this year.

First, they dyed her beautiful hair and gave her contacts to try to turn a Latina sexual goddess into a... second rate blond wannabe? I'm talking about the Fantastic Four franchise movie, of course. I mean, if they wanted a blond actress with blue eyes, was it so hard to get one? I'm pretty sure there's a few girls like that. But if they decided to cast Alba as Sue Storm, why not make Sue into a hot Latina? I mean, Jess is a gorgeous girl who's been asked to look like a fake Barbie. The look is so abhorrent that it's almost impossible to focus on anything else but on how unnatural she looks.

Then GQ stepped in. I didn't think you could make a smoldering babe like Jessica Alba look anything but sexy, but photographer Terry Richardson proved me wrong.

First he tried making her hump a stuffed dog.


When that failed to produce the intended result, he made eat a rose like a horse.



And just to make sure he got it right, he made her look mentally challenged, her face devoid of any expression while water drooled out of her mouth.


Mission accomplished!!

Jesus freak

For the past ten weeks, I've been going to a church youth group. I started going for several reasons: I was looking to meet new people, and I wanted to get closer to my spiritual self. I had no idea where to go, since my parish doesn't have one. So I looked around and found two relatively close to my home. I picked out one at random and went.

I don't have to tell you I didn't know anybody and I felt awful. I was totally scared, but the people were really friendly and so I decided to stay.

It's really nice to be around young people who think Catholicism is cool. Up until now, I only saw that much enthusiasm in my mother and my granny.

If you told me three months ago that I'd be doing all this, I think I would've laughed in your face. But I'm so happy!!!

Hair-raiser

I don't recall ever telling you this, but I'm letting my hair grow. It's not that long, but it sure is the longest I've ever had it. Anyhoo, I feel the urge to grab my hair into ponytails. It started small, with a little one in my forehead, where the FLECO had grown quite a bit. I looked like a unicorn.

But now, my hair is longer all over, and yesterday, I went all out. I began using a rubber band like a DIADEMA, and then, when I got home, I made two ponytails on the top of my head, one on each side. I looked at myself in the mirror, and sure enough, I looked totally weird. And despite the fact that it was the first time I'd done such a thing, it looked quite familiar. I tried, but I couldn't place where I'd seen such a thing.

Then today it hit me like a ton of bricks:

I looked like Garu!!!
Now all I need is a Pucca of my own and I'll be set!!

Salsa night!

So the Salsa Nationals are this very Sunday and I'm gonna go. Not as a participant, mind you, but as a mere spectator. This one isn't for amateurs!! My reasons for going are twain:

1. As a student in the salsa arts, I'm keen to see some real professionals do their thing.
2. My ultra hot dance teacher is gonna be there.

Me and my telephoto lens will be there to capture her in all of her glory.

When printers go wrong

I was totally psyched by my brand new color laser printer. I must say my excitement was a bit premature. It took me forever to unpack it. I had to put away about a pound of packing materials. No joke! And when I finally set it up, it printed horribly. Its colors were totally wrong. The images came out all pixelated and yellowish. WTF??

So I tried a million things (actually, just a couple) but nothing worked. The prints came out all crappy over and over. Finally, I gave up and took it back to the store. They didn't want to take it back, but finally they caved.

So now I have a brand new HP Color LaserJet 2600. Check it out:


I thought about installing it, but I've had such a long day, I think I'll wait till tomorrow night to take it out of the box. I'm just too pooped.

More bytes per gallon

I recently bought myself the biggest external drive I've ever seen: the Western Digital MyBook. 500 GB of raw, primal, storage power. I can fit all my computer about four times in there: all my pictures, my music, my work... everything in one neat package. It boggles the mind.

I haven't hooked it up to my Mac just yet. I've lent it to my sister to help her migrate her files to a new computer. But as soon as she's done... I'm gonna start backing up like crazy, just you wait!!

Now in COLOR

I got me a new laser printer today. It's a SAMSUNG CLP300. It's part of a line of new personal color laser printers that just came out. One of the advantages is that its toner cartridges are smaller and cheaper than other brands, but still manages a very large output: over 1000 color pages per cartridge. Sounds about right.

I'm excited. I'll be able to print photos, stickers, cards... without ever running to a printing shop. In the past, I've had to print personal stuff at the office, and now, I just won't have to.

It's a brave new world, lemme tell you!!

UPDATE: It sucked.

Movie night!!

My sister flew into town today, and she brought along two DVDs for me: UHF and Network. Both filled me up with joy, since they're very hard to get.

I decided to see them both right away.

I'd seen UHF before, maybe a couple of years after it came out (1989), so it was more like revisiting a weird amusement park you haven't been to in more than 15 years. Weird Al Yankovich is a genius. Too bad he changed his look. I totally loved it.

I'd never seen Network, though, and I'd been wanting to get it for a while. I'd heard rave reviews and read about the significance of the film (it features the famous line: "I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore!!"). Network envisioned television execs thirsty for ratings and willing to put anything on screen just to get people to watch. And this was 20 years before reality television came along. The film also mentions people who haven't picked up a book in years, yet don't miss a single broadcast of their favorite show.

Sadly, that's truer now than ever.

My button collection

I've started a button collection. I seem to find in buttons the perfect accesory to say 'Hey I'm a wacky kind of guy!!' People just don't look at you in the same way when you have a cool button on your lapel. I think I read that in GQ.

Here's what I got so far:

On the top, we have the first ones I acquired: a button I made to commemorate my 30th birthday, and a couple of patriotic ones that were done in a short-lived burst of patriotism. The second row features one that was given to me by a friend, and one that I bought at a flea-market. Cuteness and raunchiness side by side.

Oh, and here's my newest addition:

Got it today at a shop down at the mall. And when I carry it around, people will know I'm cool just like Space Ghost. Yes, they will.

A whim come true

I loved the video for Blur's "Coffee and TV" the minute it came out, all the waaay back in
1999. Directed by Hammer & Tongs, it depicts a brave milk carton's journey to find a family's missing son. I remember I got so enamored with the main character that I made drawings of him and even named him "Lechito" (Milky).

Fast forward to today.
I was cruising around the Net and found this:


Isn't he the cutest thing ever???
(That was a rhetorical question. You can't answer with anything but a YES.)

Short and sweet!

I just love the new Fanta ads by PSYOP: simple quick stories presented in very crips and dynamic CGI.
Go here and check 'em out for yourself!

Amazing what people can do with editing software nowdays

Wow. Just like some guy made The Shining into a feel-good flick, somebody just made Little Miss Sunshine into a horror flick.

Talk about turning the tables.

Cool, defined

"A self-conscious aplomb in overall behavior, which entails a set of specific behavioral characteristics that is firmly anchored in symbology, a set of discernible bodily movements, postures, facial expressions and voice modulations that are acquired and take on strategic social value within the peer context."

Thank you, Wikipedia.

Ouch!!

I was fooling around at work today and I sprained my ankle pretty badly. I think I may have to keep off my foot for a while. I hope I can still salsa next Tuesday. Life is just not worth living without dancing.

Boy, was that melodramatic or what?

UPDATE: Just in case you were wondering, my ankle did heal up enough to allow me to keep on dancing salsa non-stop!! Hurray!!

A good reason to dance my heart out

I wonder if it even makes sense. I can't help asking myself if it's gonna do any good. Even after over 20 hours of salsa classes, I still feel as graceful as a hippo with two left feet. While others glide on the dance floor, I am still stomping around heavily and tripping over myself. I can see the frustration in my teacher's eyes. And I still don't know how to dance with a partner.

Yesterday, at home, I wondered aloud if all the hassle was worth it. My mom asked if I like dancing salsa. I said I do.
-"Does it make you happy?"
-"Yes it does."

She said, 'Then that's all that matters."

And you know what? She's right.

Casaca mata carita

The Kzanderallian phrase above translates somewhat like 'a talker beats a looker'. Basically, what that means is that a guy who knows how to talk to women, will always win over a good-looking man. I've been told this, over and over. Could it be true?

I've always found it hard to believe. I mean, it not very logical. Women want good genes for their kids, so why wouldn't they choose the strongest, tallest, most handsome guy of the herd?

But then again, I've seen quite a few girls hanging with the ugliest men ever. So maybe there's some truth to the phrase. So maybe there's hope for me!!

Addie's friendship: 2003-2007

Yeah, the above title implies that the relationship has died. And it pretty much has. It's not that we hate each other, but I can't seem to handle the fact that no matter what I do, she'll never look at me as a anything more than somebody who happens to work at the same office as her.

Addie made her choice

I thought there was nothing that could take my mind off a self-loathing process. I mean, once it starts, it's pretty much a downward spiral until it crashes into the ground and there's nowhere to go but up.

Turns out I was wrong. And Addie was the one who showed me how wrong I was. You see, I was at my Lexcorp cubicle, minding my own business, when I get this mail by Addie that said, "I need to talk to you after work." I wrote her one just like that a few months ago, when I wanted to make amends with her. And so, I thought it was gonna be a private matter. As I stepped into the office warehouse with Addie, I saw Louie was already there.

And before I knew it, I was in the middle of a heated crossfire, with lots of nonsense in the air and me trying desperately to save my sanity and make sense of all that was happening. A sentence here, an exclamation there, I managed to piece a coherent story out of the chaos.

Seems that Louie's girlfriend, who is a total friggin' whack job, started hassling him by no apparent reason, and when he finally confronted her, she blurted out that she had been warned that Addie was after her man. Not only that, but she claimed that I had been the one to tell her that!

When Louie saw my astonished face, he admitted that she could've misunderstood something I had said in chat. Sorry? Could've? You mean he wasn't even sure?? And here's another fun fact: I haven't talked to her in over a year! I mean, if somebody was telling me that my girl was doing something nasty, I'd check it right away, not a year later!!

I mean, sure, there was a dire need of clearing up things, but if anybody needed to be present was Louie's girlfriend. She was the one who said crap about me, and she was the one who needed to tell it to my face. She wasn't there. So why were the others there?

I feel betrayed. I can't believe Addie could set me up like this, no matter how mad she was.
How could I ever want Addie to be my girlfriend? It seems like the girl just doesn't know what a friend is.

Intriguing find

I was getting ready to go to the office when I found one of my granny's skirts on my bed.
As I was holding it, I chuckled while thinking to myself, "Wow, I guess it WAS a wild night!!"

Of course, an easy explanation would be that my grams went by my room yesterday while carrying some clean laundry, decided to clean up a bit and just forgot to take her skirt when she left.


I REALLY hope that's what happened.

Lobotomy sounds so good sometimes

I have a dichotomy in my head. Half of the time, I like being so perceptive. I like to experience the nuances that come with the everyday experience, the subtleties that most people don't get. But being too smart can be bad for your health. And that means that I get bruised a lot more than normal people. I see people's disdain, the cruelty, the coldness. And it is in moments like these that I wish I could shut down most of my brain down. Being too smart for my own good is a pain in the butt. It hurts, bad.

A sad passing

My cel phone died today. Three keys stopped working, and with that, I can't make a call, I can't access any menus, and I can't even load a new prepaid phone card. So I guess the hunt for a new phone starts today. I want to get a really crazy one with a neat camera and mp3 capabilities, but the $250 price tag is just too steep. Maybe I'll get me a cheapo phone for now and then switch to a classier one when the money isn't so tight.

A big drag is gonna be getting everybody's numbers once more. Oh well.

The biggest bummer is what is going to be left behind: lots and lots of photos, including a few of the last photos of Ivy I ever took. But maybe it's for the better, you know? She was way too ill by then, and that's not how I want to remember her.

Everything in life happens for a reason.

TV shows I like

Sometimes it's hard to find interesting shows, specially the animated kind. They're either too childish, or too badly drawn. Recently I came across two that are very interesting.


City Hunters is an AXE vehicle that features the archetypical wise old man, teaching the inexperienced youngster named Axel (somebody had to scratch their heads hard to come up with that name) how to charm the pants off women. The characters were designed by Italian artist Milo Manera. Really well done.


6teen is a Nelvana production which is basically an animated sitcom for teens. The animation style is innovative and I find the character design very appealing. Really classy job. Totally funny as well.

So I guess now I got stuff to watch.

Dumbest mistake ever

Jess is Bruce's girlfriend, and I was invited to her birthday party. It was going to be at a local pub: Shake and Bake. The place usually gets crowded, so I decided to show up early to get them a table. I also made a little sign that said HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JESS!! in big bold letters.

About an hour later, Bruce and Jess showed up. Jess was very amused by the sign, but her sister, Jenn, was not. She started asking, 'Hey, where's MY sign?'

Jess and Jenn are twins.

You gotta keep your eyes peeled all the time

You never know where an Imperial Stormtrooper might be hiding!

I talked to her

I was scared crapless, but it was totally worth it.

Depressing comics

My friend Jojo was extremely kind and lent me two seminal comic books: Marvels and Earth X.

Marvels was a complete delight. Lushly illustrated by Alex Ross, and extremely well written by Kurt Busiek, it managed to tell the story of metahumanity as seen by the common man.

Earth X was really well crafted, but extremely depressing. An alternate future where every hero we know is old, fat or dead. And then, I read about Kingdom Come, which is just as much of a downer.

Depressing...

Mexico in the nude

Thousands and thousands of Mexicans stripped and had their pics taken.

That's a lot of naked Mexicans.

Things happen for a reason

Sometimes I'm really glad we didn't have webcams and vlogs back when I was 15. I'm pretty sure it would've been something like this.

Probably even worse.

Geek humour

Why can't I come up with stuff like this?? Pure genius.

Weird-ass music

I didn't plan on listening to The Flashbulb. I was just looking for the song that's featured in the Dove Evolution ad. The song was 'Passage D', from the album 'Kirlian Selections' (shown above).

I'd never listened to breakcore before, and it's hallucinating. It's a total frenzy of sound and music. Not my usual cup of tea, but quite interesting, I must tell ya. Kinda reminds me of Friends' Ross Geller and his foray into electronic music.

It’s one of those days…

Just yesterday, I felt like I was at the top of my game, but now, I feel at the very bottom of the pile. I feel angry, frustrated, depressed… It always starts with the fact that I have to face Addie every single day. Just her presence is an unyielding reminder of the rejection she subjected me to. I always wonder why did she turn me down. My mind needs answers but it gets none. And so it comes up with its own answers. And the usual answer is: I’m just too ugly, untalented, stupid, weak and/or poor for her. Or maybe my personality rubs her the wrong way. The vagueness is unnerving, but what can you do? But seldom does one get straight answers in such delicate matters. In the end, maybe it’s better not to know.

Rejection is a part of life. Thinking that everybody will like you is unrealistic. The problem is that before I realize it, I’m extrapolating one personal choice and making it a universal female characteristic. In other words, just because Addie said no, that means every single woman I ask will say the same thing. And of course, that gets me quite depressed.

Most of the time, I’m just kind of unsure that I will ever find anybody willing to love me. But when I’m in a downer like now, I’m no longer unsure: I’m deeply convinced that I’m never gonna find anybody. Telling myself that there’s tons of women out there doesn’t really help right now, because I have already developed a counter argument to that: There may be lots and lots of women out there, but there’s also lots and lots of men out there. Men who are smarter, stronger, wealthier, more talented and more handsome than me. And those guys will get first dibs on the women.

I’ll be lucky if they leave something for the rest of us. Man, that's depressing.

First time

After about 15 years of doing it the wrong way, I finally learned the proper way of doing the deed.
I shall never go back.

Hurrah!

Not my cup of tea

Well, I'm a bit baffled, and I'll tell you why.

My friend Ted decided to get married, in another city. Usually, that's a short trip, but the road is getting fixed, so a 45-minute ride becomes a 90-minute nightmare. When we got there, the church had no parking space, so the car had to be parked two blocks away.

After the ceremony, we were tired, we were hungry and our feet were killing us. So if there was ever a time when a reception was more than welcome, it was then and there. Sitting down for a little wine and food would've been totally awesome. But herein lies the rub: There wasn't gonna be a reception, just a cocktail. A glass of sparkling wine, a few canapes and some cake. At least, I think they had cake. No chairs in sight.

Maybe it's just me, but that's no way to celebrate a wedding! A wedding should be celebrated with big bombast! Lots of wining, dining and dancing! After all, it's one of life's biggest moments! But, if you are inclined to give just a cocktail... would it be too much to ask not to make your guests drive 90 miles for it?

A moment with Hanoch Piven

I'd heard about Hanoch Piven's work over at my favourite illustration blog: Drawn!. He is amazing. He can make recognizable caricatures of famous people using only a few everyday items. And not only that, the items are always related to the person he is portraying.

A couple of weeks later, I found out he was coming to Kzanderallia as part of a tour he's doing in which he gives a little conference and then a workshop. He also brings a few pieces for temporary exhibit.

The conference was really entertaining. He shared some of his experiences, showed a lot of his works and then fielded a few questions from the audience. Mr. Piven was really quite friendly and approachable, and he even checked out some projects a few local aspiring illustrators showed him. (I imagine he gets asked to do that a lot.)

Subtle and Forceful

I came across this cover for Grupo Nitche's 1998 album, Sutil y Contundente:



I have to say that I find the image both sexy and disturbing. The girl's hot and all, but you've got to admit that seeing her turned on by the sight of a fist in her face gives off sadomasochistic undertones. The kiss on the guy's biceps even seems to say, 'I love it when you beat me up.'

The perfect gift for a feminist.

I gave my mom a camera

Recently I had the opportunity to get a discount on a new camera. So I decided to use it to get a new Canon SD600 for my mom. I was supposed to give it to her on Mother's Day, but I just couldn't help myself and gave it to her yesterday.



She was really happy with it. It has a big 2.5-inch screen, which helps her take pictures without having to put on her glasses first. Plus, it's very easy to use. Just point-and-shoot.

So that's it for Mother's Day, right? WRONG! Today I swung by the Canon store and got her a camera case and a bigger SD card. (The 16 MB card included with the camera is just ridiculous.)

Am I being too generous? Maybe. But MAD magazine said it best: "A son who spends too much on Mother's Day is emotionally sick, but not as sick as a son who doesn't spend enough."

Big deal

I heard about Doki Doki Maijo Saiban and rushed to see what the fuss was about. Apparently it's a Nintendo DS game in which you touch girls with your stylus to see if they're witches.

I don't know what the fuss is about. I've been playing that game for years. However, almost every girl I ever touched with my stylus turned out to be a witch.

Dumb people make me mad

I was chatting online the other day, and some girl pointed out a line in my profile: "Irresistible since 1976". She wanted me to give her proof that I was, indeed, irresistible. When I tried to tell her it was a joke, she said I was liar.

I keep forgetting that not everyone has a sense of humor. You need active brain cells to have one.

Self promotion gone bad

I came upon some promos for a fledgling photographer. His copy said, "Check out my photo gallery, so you can know how you'd look like if you hire me." Sure enough, I checked his portfolio and this is what I found:



Personally, I don't think 'retarded ho' is a flattering look, no matter how you look at it.

...aaand I'm not sad anymore

Not that people are on the edge of their seats when I get into my sad moods, but I feel like telling you folks that I'm feeling surprisingly good again. I guess the long drive helped, after all.

Sad again (big surprise)

Holy Week is almost over, and let me tell you, long holidays are the worst when you're single. You got nothing to do, nowhere to go. Sure, some guys asked me to join them in their trips to the beach or the barbecues. However, I really wasn't feeling much in the mood. I was a bit down. But now I am officially depressed.

I took a long car drive to speak my mind off, and it did help a bit, but I am still gloomy. Since going over my downers is boring, I'll just give you the synopsis: I want to have a girlfriend by my side, but I feel I'm too fat ( too ugly, too poor, too dumb, etc.) to get one.

This is one of those moments when having a FG really helps to keep the ol' self esteem alive. However, I am no longer able to pretend that Paulette is even a bit interested in me when she is not. And that means I should leave her alone. She's been kind enough to stand my phone calls, and my mails, and my text messages for six months. Enough is enough. The girl needs a vacation.

-----
UPDATE: The girl did get a vacation, but I had little to do with it. She got herself a local boyfriend and she no longer takes my calls. Oh, well.

Paulette

I think anybody who reads this blog in a somewhat frequent manner has realized that I can't seem to be able to last too long without falling in love with some girl. Most of the times, it's unrequited love, but at least it keeps me going. And after the whole Addie fiasco, I really need it.

So now, it seems, it's Paulette's turn. I met her last year at an advertising expo. We started writing to each other and we've talked quite a bit since.

I want things to get serious, but as always, there are a few hurdles to overcome:

1. She lives in Xanadu, which is four hours away.
   
2. She is 9 years my junior
3. I have no clue how she feels towards me.

Not the best of odds, actually. But until I can find some else to crush on, she'll have to do.

Addie addendum

It's been four months since I asked Addie, the office secretary, to be my girlfriend and she turned me down. The dust has settled in a lot of ways. But of course, things were never the same, and they never will.

I am really saddened, because she was one of my best friends, and now it's like we're strangers. Or worse. I have this nagging sensation that she now hates my guts.

I'll tell you this: going to work is even less fun now that it used to be.

I should talk smack more often

Just when I thought this blog had finally reached zero visitors, I got three comments on my 'McGriddles suck' post. I guess there's nothing like a good controversy to stir up readership.

Watch out, KFC! YOU'RE NEXT!

McGross

I had been waiting to taste the new McGriddles for a long time. In case you don't know about them, they're just like a McMuffin, but with syrup-soaked 'griddle cakes' (think pancakes) instead of muffins.

Anyway, I wanted one since I heard about them on SuperSize Me. Granted, that's not the best place to get your McDonald's news, but hey, they made me curious. And when they finally came out in Kzanderallia, I totally wanted one, even after hearing some very negative comments.

The problem was that the McGriddles are part of the breakfast menu, which is only available from 7:00 till 10:30. And I am never near a McDonalds at that precise time. But I was determined, and so today I got not one, but two McGriddles.

However, I couldn't eat my precious McGriddles right away. I was on my way to the gym, and if I were to munch on the 'Griddles, it would have a negative impact on my performance. And so I had to wait for two hours till I finally had my hands on them.

As my teeth dug into the soft, sweet griddle cakes, my tastebuds started sending some disturbing sensations back to the brain. I couldn't really understand what was going until it hit me: the combination of sausage and maple syrup is revolting! Still, I soldiered on and finished the sandwich. I was unsure if I should try the second McGriddle, the one without egg in it. I decided to give it a chance, but the results were the same. I could feel the nausea building inside of me. I kept a handle on myself and finished the second Griddle as well.

I had to take a moment to control my unruly esophagus, that desperately wanted to heave everything out of my body. As I was doing so, I thought that my experience may have been tainted by the fact that the Griddles had to sit in the car for two hours. However I'm not about to go eat another one of those repugnant things, even if it is for science's sake.

Solid gold dancing, baby!

My dance instructor is going out of the country for a couple of weeks, and she decided to go out with a bang. So, for our final session before her break, we had a “superclass”. For those of you not in the know, a “superclass” is a class that’s twice as long as a normal class. So instead of dancing for an hour, we did it for two.

I think I already told you how grueling my first dance class was. However, yesterday’s superclass was a breeze. I got tired, but nowhere as tired as I did when I started up. And I think I got about 65% of the dance steps right, which is an improvement considering that I didn’t get any steps right the first time.

The best part was that the superclass was that they gave away medals at the end, and I GOT FIRST PLACE!!

Fred Astaire, eat your heart out!

It happened at the gym

I was at the gym yesterday and a girl I’ll call Sorella asked me about a some girl who used to go to the gym and whom she’d hadn’t seen around lately. Sorella figured that since she’d seen me talking to this girl a few times, I’d know whatever had happened to her. When Sorella started describing the girl, I realized she was talking about… Ivy.

So, I had to tell her the reason why Ivy wasn’t going to the gym anymore: she passed away over a year ago.

I thought I was finished telling people about Ivy’s passing. But it turns out I was wrong. It’s a sad task, of course, but the worst part is having to kill somebody in a person’s mind. Let’s see if I can explain the previous phrase.

Right now, you’re alive in the mind of everyone who knows you. After you die, all those people who don’t know you’re gone will still think they can give you a call or go out with you at any given time. So, in a way, you’re still alive. But then, as people are told of your passing, you start to die in each of those minds. It’s like you die a thousand deaths. Not that people will not remember you or miss you. It’s just that, from that point on, they’ll know that they will never be able to see you ever again. No more phone calls six times a day from you. No more no more Christmas gifts, no more going to the movies. Nothing. It’s over. You’re dead.

So now, thanks to me, Ivy is dead in Sorella’s mind as well.

Zoo visit, botched

I was on my way to the zoo to take some more night shots of the animals, but traffic prevented me from going. I mean, it was like a solid wall of cars, which stretched out for miles. Talk about a total drag.

Another crush bites the dust

Oh, it's a sad day for me. One of my most intense crushes, Neighbor Girl, is getting married.

Lemme tell you about Neighbor Girl. As her name implies, she lived with her family next door. I've known her for almost 20 years. She was a cute girl, but when she hit 14, she got HOT. She looks a lot like Kristin Kreuk: tall, slim and breathtaking.

Despite having her living so close, I never figured a way to get close to her. The fact that I am almost ten years older didn't help. A 24-year-old going out with a 34 year-old isn't so out of whack, but a girl merely 15 years of age going with a 25-year-old would've seemed kinda weird.

Anyway, a little time later I started going out with Ivy and so Neighbor Girl got sidetracked. But even so, every time I caught a glimpse of her coming out of her house I couldn't help but give out a little sigh for 'my impossible love'.

Fast-forward five years. Single once more, harmless little crushes like Neighbor Girl became a bit more relevant in my life. My brain started entertaining the notion that something could actually happen between us. Nevermind the fact that in the 20+ years of living by her, I had exchanged words with Neighbor Girl exactly once. And please ignore the fact that she had been going out with a guy for a couple of years. My heart wanted to believe it was possible.

But it wasn't.

My mom broke the bad news to me today. Neighbor Girl got preggo and is getting married ipso facto, this very Friday. I am heartbroken. It's as if a little bit of me has died.

As I said, it's a very sad day indeed.

Survived my first dance class!

Did I tell you I was gonna take some dancing classes? Well, I've always thought that dancing is one of the fundamental skills a man must master in order to be called a man. I read somewhere that in some animal species, all the males are required to do a dance in front of the ladies. And the ladies choose their mates according to their dancing abilities. Some of this is also true in the human realm.

Dancing has been a part of my life since I can remember. My parents loved to dance, and they did it so well, that watching them was always a delight. Along the years, I've been able to learn a few moves here and there, but I'm still a crappy dancer overall.

So I decided to start attending dance classes down at the gym I go to. (Did I tell you I went back to the gym? Oh well, that's a whole other post). The teacher is very young and gorgeous, which helped me take the plunge.

Well, today was my first day. I was nervous. Was I gonna be the only dude? I had visions of me making a total fool of myself. Turns out my fears were unfounded. There were a couple other dudes in there, and everyone was a beginner, so even though I sucked, I wasn't the worst dancer in the room.

We learned five basic steps for salsa, and two ways to spin. It was a bit difficult at first, but then I kinda got it. Then the steps became more and more complicated, and I had a lot of trouble keeping up, but in the end I had fun.

I must say, though, that salsa can be exhausting. I could feel my legs becoming heavier and heavier by the minute as my stamina evaporated. I looked at the teacher: she hadn't even broken a sweat. Just when I thought I was gonna drop dead, the class finished and I was released at last.

I was so utterly tired that I could barely breathe, much less move. I dragged myself out of the dance room, and drank about a liter of water in one sip.

I can't wait for the next class.

My mom is 59

I have a feeling that's a bit of information that she'd prefer to keep under wraps, but I don't care. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOM!!

Smallville

I love how they've taken a dull character as Superman (I mean, he's invencible, where's the fun in that?) and made him extremely interesting.

But maybe the biggest feat is making 30-year-olds look like teenagers. I mean, not everyone can be Michael J. Fox, you know! But these guys pull it off.

Hands down, my favorite thing about Smallville is looking at Kristin Kreuk. She is just hot. I just found out she's Chinese. Here's a pic.



Isn't she cute as a button?

Feelings suck

I am angered and saddened by my inability to keep my emotions on check. I admire how others manage to live their lives without disclosing emotion. Somehow they seem to I can't seem to.

I wish I could say it's a hormonal thing, but it probably isn't. I believe that this very thing makes me a weak being.

Who are we trying to fool?

Even though Addie and I have made amends, some things that were said during our chat struck me as total bullcrap.

Addie says that she believes that 'relationships on the workplace aren't a good idea'. Dunno. It just feels like another polite way of saying 'I like you as a friend, and only as a friend', which everybody knows is female code for 'You're too [insert negative quality here] for me'.

When I asked her if she had the hots for Louie, another coworker, she totally denied it. But I know better. She just likes it too much when he manhandles her several times a day. 'He's the one that starts it,' she said. Yeah, well, I never saw her trying to stop it.

Closure... kind of

Well, after a couple of months of awkwardness, Addie and me are back on speaking terms.

You might remember that I had grown so infatuated with her that I had decided to ask her to be my girlfriend. Unfortunately, she didn't feel it was such a good idea. That hit me like a ton of bricks right then and there, and it got worse over time.

Even though I understood that Addie had every right to turn my offer down, it still hurt like a bastard, week after week. So I slowly stopped talking to her.

That was two months ago. Over time, things had degraded so much between us, that it was hard to believe that we had ever been such good friends as we once were. We had grown so far apart we were almost strangers.

So finally, I grabbed the bull by the horns and asked her to stay after work to talk. I told her that I knew I had behaved badly, but that I was finding my way, and that I really wanted our friendship back as it once was. She said she was willing to try.

But this isn't a Disney movie, and we probably won't live happily ever after. For starters, I don't think things will ever be back as they once were. I mean, once you overstep your boundaries, it all goes to heck. And the sting of being rejected will probably stay with me for a looong time.

At least I got some badly needed closure on this whole ugly chapter. Time to move on.

Sorry, guys

As of this very minute, anybody who wants to comment in this blog will have to undergo a verification process to determine that it's a real person writing the comment. It's not a biggie: you just have to type a randomly-generated word before sending your comment. It'll take up about three extra seconds of your time.

I know, it's a drag, but I'm tired of all the fake comments I've been getting. A man can only endure so many manhood-enhancing-drug ads before having to take drastic action.

Yet another great thing ruined by spam.

Ooops, she did it again

When I first found about this, I couldn't believe it was true.
Apparently, Britney Spears went into a salon and shaved off her hair.



That wouldn't be so bad if she didn't have such an ugly cranium. I wonder if those bumps mean that she was dropped on her head as a kid. Hey, that would explain so much.

PS: The salon is selling Britney's hair (along with some other items) for a cool million dollars. Just in case you're interested. More here.

Love thy robot

Just when I thought I'd seen it all, comes along technosexuality. No, it's not a disproportionate love of techno music. It's people who are attracted to humanoid robots or to people acting like robots. In laymen's terms: android fetish.

I can only imagine that those guys see Herbie Hancock's 'Rockit' and Kraftwork's 'We Are Robots' as others see Debbie Does Dallas. And instead of buying a Sport's Illustrated Swimsuit Edition Calendar, they grab the latest Sorayama calendar. (He draws some really cool fembots, actually).

Really, really freaky. However, a good thing about this particular fetish comes to mind: if their 'partner' starts nagging too much, they can always unplug him/her.

Try that with a human mate and you go to jail. Not fair.

He was so right

Radio personality Fred Allen once said,

The trouble with television is, it's too graphic. In radio, even a moron could visualise things his way; an intelligent man, his way. It was a custom-made suit. Television is a ready-made suit. Everyone has to wear the same one. Everything is for the eye these days: Life, Look, the picture business. Nothing is for the mind. The next generation will have eyeballs as big as cantaloupes and no brains at all.

Valentine's Day, revindicated

It's St. Valentine's Day once more, and it's time for romance, big spending, seduction dances... and lots of bitching.

You know what I'm talking about. Every February 14th, like clockwork, hundreds of voices rise against the Day of Valentines. "It's an artificial holiday", some say. "We shouldn't have a day to be romantic, we should be romantic all year long!"

I agree, it is an artificial holiday, or at least, that's the tone it's taken over time. And no, we shouldn't have to set apart a day to be romantic, we should be romantic all year long. But, guess what? Most people can't. Life is hectic, and you can't really be gallant every single day. But some overdo it. If we didn't have Valentine's Day, some people would never care to buy flowers, or write silly poems, or get a card for their mates. Nothing.

So that's why I consider it important to have a day each year dedicated to romance. Don't like the date? Celebrate it whenever you want to. This guy recommends celebrating on February 15th, when everything is half off and every restaurant in town is empty. However, if you feel like avoiding consummerism altogether, you can take the road less traveled and take the time to come up with a special and unique gift for your loved one, something you can't get in a store.

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!!

Clarification

I would like to clear something up.

It’s not that I believe that no woman will ever love me. What I do believe is that no beautiful woman will ever love me. There’s a difference.

Saying that no woman will ever love me is unrealistic. There’s lots and lots and lots of ugly women who don’t have any good suitors and therefore would have nothing to lose by settling for a guy like me. Beautiful women, on the other hand, can pick and choose their suitors, so they focus on getting a mate that will be a symbol of their high status: wealthy, handsome and cool.

A good reason not to have babies

Watching the Eye 2 was quite an experience. It was supposed to be a horror flick, but actually it was just plain disturbing and kind of stupid.

Joey Cheng tries to kill herself, but instead of dying, she is left with the spooky ability to see ghosts. Not only that, it turns out that the ghosts she sees are after the baby she carries in her womb. So Joey spends the next eight months running from the undead while trying to come to grips with her new role as a mother. There's also lots of gory, unsettling scenes and hysterical screaming in Chinese.

Now, you gotta give credit to the Pang Brothers, the film directors. The scenes where Joey tries to kill herself over and over are just hilarious. Whoever said that seeing a woman fall four stories wasn't funny, hasn't seen this movie.

Why I should not travel anymore

I traveled to Xanadu this weekend, to visit my friend Dano.

In case I hadn't mentioned it before, Dano and I studied Graphic Design together ages ago. After graduating, he returned home to Xanadu to set up his own Graphic Design studio, which has become quite successful over time. Then he got involved with one of the local universities in Xanadu, and he set up the Graphic Design program there. That was five years ago. In a few months he will be the new Dean of the Arquitecture.

His dad is still alive, and his parents are very young. They will be in top shape when the grandkids come. Oh, and did I mention that he is engaged and traveled to Europe with his fianceé a couple of years ago?

So, in short, he has a degree, he is a successful and respected member of the design community, he has his own design studio and he's gonna get married soon.

Believe me, I could actually hear the envy corroding my bones.

On the verge of a nervous breakdown

This waiting thing is driving me mad. Mad, I tell ya.
As I mentioned before, I have yet to receive results on my graduation project evaluation. Supposedly, I'll get them this very Wednesday. Believe me, it's been a looooong 14 days.

I feel sick. The anxiety makes me feel like somebody punched me in the gut and I can barely breathe. Just like a caged animal, I want to escape, but I have nowhere to go.
Whether I want to or not, I’ll have to face the monster.

And quite a monster it is: the results from this evaluation will basically determine if I will be getting my Graphic Designer degree this year or not. I’m already about six or seven years overdue, and I really, really don’t want to wait any longer.

My uncle, the heckler

My uncle makes me so angry sometimes, because he's a heckler. He likes to interrupt people with comments and jokes which often make the other person lose his/her concentration and sometimes, even his/her temper. It’s funny to watch because my uncle has a very sharp wit. Of course, it's not so funny when you're the butt of the joke.

My uncle's behaviour used to make my dad very angry, and still makes my mom very tense. I mean, trying to tell a story is hard enough without people cutting in and poking fun at your delivery.

He just burned me yesterday. I was telling folks about Invader Zim and I stuttered, and that was my downfall. He was onto me like flies on honey. Afterwards, I was red to my face, and it got me really pissed off at him. Then I got mad at my mom, for allowing this sort of thing to happen. Finally, I got mad at myself for saying stuff without thinking first. With a heckler in the house, you really gotta be on your toes, and I wasn't, so I left myself wide open to be tackled.

But, you know what? We need hecklers like him, to remind us that the world outside isn’t cozy and nice. People want to cut you down for reasons unforeseen and unknown. You have to be ready. Look what happened to Michael Richards when he caved under the pressure. It wasn’t pretty.

My little winged visitor

I took this picture today. Even though at first glance it may look like a figurine, it's actually a real bird that snuck into my house. Birds sneaking into houses isn't news, but this bird is special because it managed to get to the second floor, where no windows were open.
The only way it could've gotten there was by entering the ground floor and then going up the stairs somehow.

Just like a cat up on a tree, this little fella got stuck once he got into the master bedroom, and couldn't get out by himself. Grabbing him was out of the question, as he was faster than a devil, plus it could get hurt in the process. So what I did (after snapping the aforemented pic) was to close every single door and leaving just the balcony door open. Then, I entered the room and managed to draw him out. Luckily, the silly fowl managed to see the exit I had prepared for him and escaped to freedom.

All in a day's work.

'Based on a true story'

I hate those five words. I really don't understand why filmmakers, writers, and the like feel the need to tell us something like this happened in real life. Specially when everybody knows it didn't. Why? Because real life isn't like a movie, or a TV show, or any piece of entertainment. Real life is complex, even messy. It has a lot of minor characters, uninteresting plot. A lot of the times, lots of unrelated stuff happens out of nowhere. And the endings are a letdown.

Movies, on the other hand, have to be entertaining. It's not that something has to explode every six seconds, but rather, that it has to have a story, a plot. It has to have a certain pace and rhytm. Edits have to be made, and things have to be rewritten. It's no wonder that the end product has little resemblance with the 'real life happening' it is supposedly based upon.

So, what I don't get is the need to try to convince the public that the stuff that we see on the screen has any sort of basis on reality. Isn't the fact that it's an interesting, compelling story enough?

Babel

Went to see Babel yesterday. Gosh darn it, I should know better than to go see Alejandro Iñarritu movies. They are not bad, you see, but they are uncomfortable from beginning to end. The characters undergo such traumatic and embarassing situations which make me want to stop watching... but I can't. You get sucked into the stories. Babel takes you from the Morocco hillsides, to the urban chaos of Tokio. As the title suggests, lack of communication is one of the main themes. Truly a very interesting pic. Go see it.

Kurt Cobain must be turning in his grave

You want surreal? Listen to Nirvana's 'Smells Like Teen Spirit' as sung by Paul Anka. Other hits in this 2005 opus include R.E.M.'s 'Everybody Hurts' and Soundgarden's 'Black Hole Sun'.

The funny thing is, they're not half bad.
Of course, this is Paul Anka we're talking about.

The waiting game

After working on them for the last year, I finally handed over my graduation projects this week. I have to wait for the results. This will determine if I am fit to take my final examination in order to get my degree as a Graphic Designer.

I hope for the best, but I can't help being very, very nervous. This is my future we're talking about.

My sister is 25 today!

Hurray!! I love ya, little sister. You are the best!!!

So young, so old

Over time, I've noticed something very interesting. American 24-year-olds look so very old when compared to their Kzanderallian counterparts.

I can't explain it, but I'm willing to guess. I believe that it's due to the fact that American parents kick their kids out between 18 and 24 years of age. It's customary for a Kzanderallian kids to reside with their families until they wed.

This would deserve a study.

MySpace has a Kzanderallian in its midst

I've been curious about MySpace for a while, so I decided to try it out, with mixed results. It's pretty much the same as hi5, but with a very important difference: I don't know anybody! Does anybody out there want to be my friend?

Surfing on the job

Usually we don't have Internet access at Lexcorp, but an IT slip-up allowed everybody a free all-access pass to the Net. It was glorious! We surfed, we chatted, we mailed. Of course, no work got done. None.

Defining 'sentimental'

I mentioned in the previous post about me getting 'sentimental'. With this, I mean I started crying. I couldn't help it. Fonz was just telling me about how he made sure every detail was perfect when he got engaged. He gave her the ring right at the stroke of New Year's 2007. Beautiful.

That's when I got sad. Very sad. You know the drill: 'Nobody will ever love me, I am just too old, too stupid, etc.' And then tears started falling down my face. Dumbass.

I must get a grip on my emotions. True, I am devastated inside, but I have to overcome it. Otherwise I will become like a big girl repellent. Even more so than I am now.

I got drunk!

Yesterday was a bad day for drinking. I went to a local pub for my friend Joe's birthday and must've had about eight beers or more. The thing is that, I used to be able to tell when I was getting wasted. Three beers was my limit. Now I was knocking them back like apple juice. I was amazed, really. I felt no effect over me, other than a little buzz. But it was when I got really sentimental that I realized that I was totally drunk.

Not totally, though. I could still drive. But had I stayed a bit longer, somebody would've had to take me home.

My hips don't lie, they hurt

Talking about Shakira got me all pumped up and it made me want to let my inner bellydancer surface. Unfortunately, I lack the years of daily training my girl Shakira endured. And so, when I started moving my hips trying to imitate that wild Colombian, I felt something snap in my back. I couldn't sit up straight for hours after that. Better leave the bellydancing to the pros.

Tonight, on a very special CSI

I love CSI very much. However, I understand that as a TV show, it needs to keep viewers glued to their seats week after week. And one surefire way to do it is to portray deviant behaviour. They did a show on paraphilic infantilism, and another one on clown fetish. However, what really got me squirming was their furry fandom episode. In case you are too lazy to click on the links, being a furry means you have a very intense attraction towards antropomorphic animals. Some even dress as big furry beasts and they have sex with their furry suits on.

As I watched the show, I kept thinking to myself 'well, I've never heard of furries before, but if it's on CSI, it probably is true' and a quick search on Google proved me right. Not only are the furries real, but they even have their own wiki, for crying out loud.

I am reminded of Wayne's World's Garth Algar (Dana Carvey), who asks his friend Wayne (Mike Myers) if he ever found Bugs Bunny attractive when he put on a dress and played a girl bunny.

You can relax, my dear Garth: you're not alone.

Shakira

I love her. I really do. How can you not? She's got a great body and a beautiful physique. Plus, she is Colombian. What else could you possibly want?

I loved her inicial phase, but her post-crossover phase has been interesting as well. I wish she would make at least one video where her pelvis is the feature star. But her songs are really cool. I love how focused she is, and how well she has handled fame, despite the fact that she started up very young. Exactly what Britney couldn't do.

Some compared Shakira's songwriting and lyrical style to Alanis Morissette's, but where is Alanis now? Probably scraping the bottom of a dumpster somewhere. Talk about a one-album wonder.

But Shakira is different. Seven albums and still going strong. And even though she seems unable to make one video without shaking her hips all over the place, the vids are always cool to watch. Even the old stuff is really good despite it's over ten years old.

Man, I love that woman.

Lizzie

Lizzie, have I told you about her? She's hard to describe. First of all, she's one of those girls who doesn't look like anybody else, yet she has a beauty all of her own. And even though she's really elegant and proper, she's also very accesible and nice. She's great conversation partner, too.

So why haven't I been putting the moves on her? Several reasons. First of all, she's a friend of my sister's, and that's always a big hurdle. Also, neither of us was single up until recently.

But suddenly, she was single once more. This flicked a switch inside of me, and so I began to be extra nice to her, while I awkwardly attempting to obtain a secure foothold in her heart. But it was never to be. Shortly afterwards, she showed up at my mom's house with a guy in tow. I was crushed, and it was a really grueling evening while I attempted to digest the fact that I wasn't even in the picture.

Over time, I found out bits and pieces of information, which painted a broader canvas than the one I had envisioned. She had known the guy for over four years. They'd been dating almost since she went back on the market. So I never really had a chance.

Oh well, at least she's still fun to talk to.

About girlfriends...

Here's another post about my endless search for a new love. I've had several talks with folks and they have concurred that my approach was totally mistaken. Basically I screwed everything with Addie because I told her I loved her too early in the game. The idea is to focus on making out first, then asking out. My bad.

But I think the problem isn't just my approach, but that I have the whole girlfriend thing badly focused. I need to stop thinking about looking for the love of my life. I need to stop thinking about finding a wife. I need to live my present. I need to get a girl, even if she doesn't have any of the qualities that I think my perfect woman should have. I need to do it to prove myself I can still reel them in. This relationship should be short-term. Six to twelve months, max. Then move on to the next one.

Hopefully, this way I will learn the techniques to be more alluring and charming and I will be able to gain access to girls better suited for my long-term purposes.

I see only one problem: my tendency to fall in love very easily. I need to kill this impulse for good. Love should only come after months and months of sharing, not after a few weeks. If I don't handle this, I could lose all objectivity and end up with the wrong girl. And I really, really don't want that.

The gym solution

Going to the gym has a very positive effect on my mood.
While I'm there, I can say 'I may be chubby, but at least I'm doing something about it!'
It helps me to forget about my troubles for a bit. Plus, the feeling of working out till you're really tired is completely refreshing.

Everybody is a critic

I have recently noticed how everybody seems to have an unpleasant comment about everybody's boyfriend or girlfriend.

As I mentioned previously, Bay's fiancee gets called some very nasty names on account of her size. It could be argued that she gets such a rough treatment because she is quite a character, an acquired taste, if you will.

Nice people get uncivil comments too. A woman once told me that a co-worker's fianceé (a very nice and friendly gal) was 'too ugly for him'. Obviously, the harpy was annoyed by the fact that the guy hadn't picked her. She obviously hadn't looked at herself on a mirror either.

But people also say rude things about folks they supposedly like. A guy said that a mutual friend's girlfriend 'looked like a man', because she isn't fond of dresses or skirts.

Wonder what they'll say about my girlfriend. Once I get one, that is.

Making fun of extra wide citizens

My friend Bay works down at Lexcorp. He's the nicest guy ever. You'd like him too if you met him. His fianceé, well... that's a whole different story. She is kind of annoying and dominating. She also has a way to rub people the wrong way. Because of this, she is constantly being made fun of behind her back. The fact that she is a plus-plus-size girl is a favorite subject of derisive remarks. They call her 'propane tank', amongst other things. I am not specially fond of the girl, but I don't join in. My friend Bay seems really happy, and that's what matters.

However, sometimes you just can't take the high road. I was just checking Bay's MySpace page, and he had posted a photo of his normal-size mom and his plump bride-to-be. The caption underneath read, 'Here's the two stars of my life.'

Before I knew it, this popped in my mind: ''Well, his mom may be a star, but his fiancee is a supernova!" Then, I started chuckling.

I am not proud of myself.

The Clean Magazine Project

Remember when a magazine was about the articles? Nowdays, it seems as though magazines are all about the ads. Ads are okay, don't get me wrong. Advertising helps bring magazine prices down. What I am complaining about is the proliferation of inserts, that is pieces of advertising made in hard papers to stand out when you flip through the magazine. Inserts are very common in design magazines, because they're used to promote some special kind of paper: recycled, extra-white, textured, etc. However, this practice makes using the magazine very cumbersome. The inserts will get in your way when you are reading, they will bend a magazine the wrong way, etc.

Over the years, I've had fantasies where I trim all the inserts from the magazines, making them easier to use. I even came up with a name for that: the Clean Magazine Project. I kept making it aside as time went on, because I didn't want to endure the hassle of trimming a publication and risk cutting a page or two of content.

But the latest issue of Print (January/February) pushed me over the edge. Here I was, holding the magazine in my hand I couldn't really use it. It would open in the wrong places again and again because of the incredible amount of inserts it contained. I tried to endure it for about five minutes before I cracked. I got so frustrated I ripped the biggest advertising off with my very own hands. Before I knew it, I had taken the magazine over to my workspace and, using a paper knife, had proceeded to cut away every single advert I could find. In the end, over ten pieces of cardboard were at my feet. When you consider that the magazine has about 110 pages, it comes down to one insert every 11 pages. Ridiculous.

To the many magazine advertisers who plan to use inserts, I say: bring it.
The Clean Magazine Project is now officially ON.

I need to become eye candy

I hate being single. Sure, I have lots of time and money to myself, but I'm lonely as heck, and I miss simple stuff like holding somebody really close. I wanna love and be loved. But, as with so many things I want with in life, I have done nothing to achieve that goal. I'm still as fat as ever, and I still look like I was just mugged five minutes ago. Grooming goes a long way, they tell me. My dad never had any of my troubles. He was an athlete. He was a snappy dresser. He always looked good.

Revisiting the Addie situation

I've been thinking about Addie's rejection. It's hard not to, when Addie is working right there. But her vacation time is coming up, and she is gonna be gone for a month, and I'm hoping that will cool things off a bit in my head.

It's for the best. I've been talking with a bunch of people, and while some have told me to keep at it, and ask her again eventually, others have told me to look for new pastures. I'm leaning toward option #2, because of the following factors:

Workplace: work and love is not a good mix
Geography: she lives all the way across town
Religion: we don't share a place of worship

But mainly, I don't think I'll try again because she isn't interested in me at all.

I can barely walk

I have gone back to the gym. I have strived to keep at it, doing cardio mostly. On Thursday, I ran into my friend Bruce, who started going to the same gym as I. He convinced me to do weights for the first time in a really long while. I did leg and shoulder exercises. Then, I ran a bit on Friday.

Now I can barely move. I can't extend my left arm, or my left leg. They are totally stiff and they hurt as heck when I try to move them.

I think I'll skip the gym today. Maybe tomorrow too.

Gosh, I've been here before

KLF is a good friend, and a coworker down at Lexcorp. His mom was really sick with cystic fibrosis. She was a fighter, but finally she succumbed to a heart attack, probably brought on by the disease.

So I went to the funeral and the burial. I couldn't stay long to either affair since I had to go back to work. Dammit, it all felt so familiar: the funeral home, the cemetery, mourners in black, the candles, the crying. But my own experiences now feel really far away, like I didn't really live them, but rather watched them on a TV show or something. Time is merciless and unreleting. It pushes memories ever far back.

The one thing I hate about funerals is that I don't know what to say. I want to sound conforting, but I hate saying some clichéd phrase. However, if you want to get creative, you always sound weird. So this time I just gave everyone a big hug and said nothing.

To KLF and all his family, my condolences. May God give you the strength you need to overcome this tragedy. My thoughts are with you always.

Happy New Year 2007

2006 is over. Here comes 2007.
What joys and horrors, triumphs and tribulations will it bring?
We can only wait to find out.