Sunday, April 30, 2006

The future Mrs. Kz

I keep thinking about it all the time. How will I meet my future wife? Is she gonna be my next girlfriend? Or the one after that? And will she fill the profile?

Oh, 'cause I got a profile. Any girl who's willing to take Ivy's position as Official LoveMate better be ready to meet very high standards:

*20-24 years old
*1.58-1.63 cms tall.
*beautiful (but not too beautiful)
*middle class or higher
*college education
*hygenically inclined
*must love kids
*must live no more than 10 miles from my place

Seems shallow, I know. But I have my reasons. Allow me to explain:

*20-24 years old: After a certain age, women are more likely to notice they can live perfectly fine without me. But if you get them young enough, you can fool them into thinking you're essencial for their survival.
*1.58-1.63 cms tall: Women of scant stature can be very lovely, but I've noticed I never seem to think of them as grown-up women. They seem like little girls, which it feels kind of pedophilic. On the other hand, girls who are taller than me always seem to be older, which feels kind of Aedipus-ish.
*slender: I have always loved athletic women. They look so... good...
*beautiful (but not too beautiful): Do I need to explain this one??
*Catholic: Life is tough enough without having to decide what church to go to.
*middle class or higher: Interclass marriage is something you do at your own risk. Seen enough cases to know that I should avoid it at all costs.
*college education: I want a mental peer. Somebody who will get my jokes without having to explain every single one. In a word: cultured.
*appearance-conscious: Nobody likes a total slob.
*must love kids: This is my theory: any woman who's willing to stand a 3-year-old child will have enough patience to stand being with me.
*must live no more than 10 miles from my place: I don't want to have to spend half a gas tank just to go see her.
*single: I am just not looking forward to marrying a girl with kids and some wacko ex-husband running around.

Seem like impossibly-high standards?
Not to me. I mean, Ivy fit the profile like a glove.

This doesn't mean I want another Ivy. That's impossible. She was totally unique and no one will ever be like she was. I just want a girl who has the highest amount of the same good traits that Ivy had.

And in my book, that's not too much to ask.

Changes, changes...

One of the big changes I plan to make is to quit my job at Lexcorp for good. After five years, I'm ready. I want to have a lot of free time, improve myself a bit. I want to become an illustrator for real. I want to work out at the gym. Heck, I'm a bachelor and I don't have any kids. I can afford a few months of unemployment. It wouldn't be total unemployment, either. I want to keep working at Culture Publishing House. It'll help pay the bills.

I'm totally pumped about this. Quitting sounds so good.

What's on my mind

I decided to postpone the monthly visit to Ivy's grave so I could work on my portfolio. I'll go next week. I have considered stopping my visits, but no. I think a promise is a promise. I mean, she withstood my 'marvelous' company for five long years, she deserves at least this.

Looking back

God, it seems like it was ages ago, the last time I held Ivy in my arms. And it's only been five months! I try to keep her out of my mind as long as possible, 'cause any thought in that direction will halt my life to a complete stop. But it was beautiful. It really was. Never did I have to worry about her doing stuff behind my back. And she trusted me so completely, it almost scared me. And we were gonna have so many beautiful things: a life together, kids... everything is gone now.

Looking ahead

I want to believe that there is something further down the road for me. I want to believe that I am not totally repulsive or useless. But I recognize that I will have to work out and make heavy lifestyle changes, soon. I have to see a doctor, get some exercise. Maybe see a therapist. Get my friggin' degree. I have to be the best man I can be. Otherwise, I will not get the kind of mate that I long for.

Not looking at all

But, then again, there are moments when you shouldn't look in any direction at all. Just savor the moment as you live it.

Friday, April 21, 2006

Five years ago

A little more than five years ago, I was at the gym and got onto one of those walking machines. There was a girl on the next machine and I said hi to her, but didn't answer. I thought she was the rudest girl ever and got real mad. But when I was about to leave, I saw her again at the stationary bicycle. Our eyes met, and instinctively, I smiled. She smiled back and waved. I thought maybe maybe she wasn't so rude after all.

The next day, I went ahead and talked to her and we became great friends. We would schedule our workouts so we would do them together. She would call me her 'gym buddy' and we had really cool conversations. Eventually I got some nerved and asked for her number. Then we started to talk even more.

Our first date was difficult to come by. We were supposed to go to the movies one Saturday, but when I called she had left on a family trip. When I confronted her, she admitted forgetting about our date and was totally mortified. We rescheduled, but she forgot again and left on another family trip. I decided to give her a last chance. We went to the movies and had a great time. She even let me hold her hand. I tried to sneak a kiss out of her, but she wouldn't do it. She didn't push me away. Instead, she held my head very tight, like saying, "Please, let's do this right... let's be boyfriend and girlfriend first."

The next day I went on a week-long trip with some buddies. Two days into the trip, I realized that I really REALLY liked this girl. And I got really sad and wanted to go back right then and there, but we were 1000 miles away, so I had to wait till the trip was over. The first thing I did after I came back was go see her. I didn't even see my family till a couple of hours later, even though we lived in the same house.

That was on a Tuesday. That very Saturday, we went out and I (grudgingly) asked her to be my girlfriend. I didn't really want to ask, because I wasn't into formalities. But she totally was into them, so I had no choice. :)

Immediately afterwards we had our very first kiss. It was a quick one, but it was really nice. And that's how it all started.

That was exactly five years ago this day.

My sweet, sweet Ivy, I will never forget you.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Illustration workshop

When I heard a friend of mine was going to an illustration workshop, I totally tagged along. First of all, it was free. Second, it was over at Moneybags University, which has some of the most gorgeous girls in Kzanderland. Third, it gave me the opportunity to hang out with him after not seeing him for a month and a half (dunno the exact amount, but that sounds about right).

The workshop was nice. It was given by a lady who happens to be a big shot Art Director at Oxford University. But she was a very gentle woman, not filled with dellusions of gradeur, as I would be in her place.

I don't think I learned that much new techniques, but I got to see some really rad children's books, which I really love cause they always have the best illustrations. Plus, I got to draw, which relaxed me a bit.

I will post the drawings I made at the workshop as soon as I can. I made them in about 20 minutes, so set your expectations accordingly.

This is promises to be a craptabulous day

My sister gets her second dose of chemo today and she has to stay at the hospital for three days (again). Plus, I have to go meet a guy who's gonna help me send some polls that'll help me with my investigation. And I have to go to school.

Did I mention I didn't sleep very well? No? Sorry, I must've forgot. You see, I haven't been sleeping well.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

It's almost that time of year...

This Friday, the 21st, Ivy and I were to be married, on our 5th anniversary.

I know. I can almost feel depression sweeping in.

About an hour ago, I called my mother-in-law and had a good cry.
This is just... so... hard.

(snif) I need a hug. Or two. Big ones.

Name that tune!!

Ok, now maybe you guys would be so kind as to help me find the title of this little tune. (1.3 MB WAV file)

I am almost sure it was a 60's or 70's TV show theme or a movie soundtrack.
I think it's either a Morricone or Alpert tune, but so far no luck.

Monday, April 17, 2006

Got a bald sister

My sister Abby decided to chop off all of her hair before more of it fell out.


It is shocking, lemme tell you. It's like a scene out of THX 1138, that obscure George Lucas film where everybody had their heads shaved, even the women.

I hate termites

This house is forever filled up with termites. Around this time of year, they come out of wherever they are hiding and start flying everywhere. And once they land, they drop their wings and start chewing away.

This is terrible for a graphic designer: they eat paper, wood, cardboard, books, magazines... I need to fumigate... PRONTO!!

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Still no luck

Even after I bought those wonderful speakerphones, my granny still prefers to shout stuff. She says it's easier. Of course it is. But this is not about easier, it's about being a bit more civilized.

Oh well, maybe she'll come around someday.

Babies light up a place

Yesterday, some of my sister's friends dropped by. They're a married couple who live in El Salvador, and yet they didn't mind driving all the way to Kzanderallia just to see my sis. Now that's what I call friendship!!

Anyways, they brought their eight-month baby along. He is huge! And sooo cute!! Well, he was the star of the show. Everybody wanted to cuddle him and pat him and make funny noises for him.

You should've seen my grandma. She just loves babies. She picked him up and sat him in her lap. She seemed like 15 years younger!

That's one thing about my house... there's no babies. My sister Abby is the youngest, and she is 24. So it is a very grown up environment. Quiet, peaceful... maybe too much so.

That stinging sensation

It tears me up, you know? The fact that my granny, my mom, my sis... everybody seems to yearn for a kid running around, giving everybody heck. And yet, babies are nowhere in the picture right now. Because of her chemo and many operations, Abby will probably never have kids of her own. Luann isn't even looking for a boyfriend right now because of her hectic lifestyle.

And that leaves me. I was ready to fulfill my duties and get some babies made. If everything went well, we would've had ourselves a baby in less than a year's time. But fate had other plans. And now, I'm back to square one. Even if I met somebody tomorrow, it'll probably be three years (at least) till a baby roams around these parts.


Sunday, April 09, 2006

Saturday, April 08, 2006

My new comic!

Recently Galoot posted a wonderful new comic-making tool, which was just a blast.
I tried it out and this is what came out.

Hope you like it!