Every 29th of the month, Ivy's passing is pushed 30 days further into the past. In days like these, I really feel like talking about her, and be able to reminisce how she touched our souls with her love.
But who can I talk to?
Most of her family seems to be bent on trying to bury the pain by not mentioning her at all. I understand them, and I just don't feel like showing up at their doorstep ready to reopen the wound. The only one who is always willing to talk about Ivy is her mom. But today she was on her way to a party, and I didn't want to spoil her evening talking about her dead daughter.
So better luck next time.
I said goodbye to my friend Wario today. He's leaving for a six-month stay at the States with his mom. Then he wants to go to Europe for another three months. So he won't be coming back till March '07.
If he comes back.
You see, a while back Wario started to find Kzanderallian society archaic and restricting. His travels all over South America deepened that internal chasm even more. He longs for women who are more open-minded and modern. I'll be the first to admit that finding that kind of woman here is very rare.
Soon he'll be gone. I miss him already.
While Wario and I had our last cup of coffee (ever?), we had a long conversation. He shared his uncertainty about the future. He worries that he sees nothing ahead. I told him about my daydream of staring into darkness.
Then, it happened.
Maybe it was everything. My sorrow for Ivy's absence. My sadness regarding the fact that a good friend was going away. Or maybe it was my gloomy assesment of my future. The thing is that tears started filling up my eyes. I clumsily looked for a napking to sop up my eyes, but the flow wasn't stopping.
Poor Wario wasn't expecting this. He knows I'm a sentimental dude who's prone to tearing up, but this caught him off guard. It must be so uncomfortable to sit at a table with a 29-year-old guy who talks to you while he's holding a napkin to his eyes in a vain effort to hide the fact that tears are all over the place.
Oh, the memories he'll take with him...
I'm okay now
Amazingly, I'm fine again. It seems that writing about this has helped me to calm down. And suddenly, I don't feel so crappy anymore. A bit sad, still. But the worst is definitely over. For now, at least.