Sunday, May 27, 2007

A good reason to dance my heart out

I wonder if it even makes sense. I can't help asking myself if it's gonna do any good. Even after over 20 hours of salsa classes, I still feel as graceful as a hippo with two left feet. While others glide on the dance floor, I am still stomping around heavily and tripping over myself. I can see the frustration in my teacher's eyes. And I still don't know how to dance with a partner.

Yesterday, at home, I wondered aloud if all the hassle was worth it. My mom asked if I like dancing salsa. I said I do.
-"Does it make you happy?"
-"Yes it does."

She said, 'Then that's all that matters."

And you know what? She's right.

Casaca mata carita

The Kzanderallian phrase above translates somewhat like 'a talker beats a looker'. Basically, what that means is that a guy who knows how to talk to women, will always win over a good-looking man. I've been told this, over and over. Could it be true?

I've always found it hard to believe. I mean, it not very logical. Women want good genes for their kids, so why wouldn't they choose the strongest, tallest, most handsome guy of the herd?

But then again, I've seen quite a few girls hanging with the ugliest men ever. So maybe there's some truth to the phrase. So maybe there's hope for me!!

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Addie's friendship: 2003-2007

Yeah, the above title implies that the relationship has died. And it pretty much has. It's not that we hate each other, but I can't seem to handle the fact that no matter what I do, she'll never look at me as a anything more than somebody who happens to work at the same office as her.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Addie made her choice

I thought there was nothing that could take my mind off a self-loathing process. I mean, once it starts, it's pretty much a downward spiral until it crashes into the ground and there's nowhere to go but up.

Turns out I was wrong. And Addie was the one who showed me how wrong I was. You see, I was at my Lexcorp cubicle, minding my own business, when I get this mail by Addie that said, "I need to talk to you after work." I wrote her one just like that a few months ago, when I wanted to make amends with her. And so, I thought it was gonna be a private matter. As I stepped into the office warehouse with Addie, I saw Louie was already there.

And before I knew it, I was in the middle of a heated crossfire, with lots of nonsense in the air and me trying desperately to save my sanity and make sense of all that was happening. A sentence here, an exclamation there, I managed to piece a coherent story out of the chaos.

Seems that Louie's girlfriend, who is a total friggin' whack job, started hassling him by no apparent reason, and when he finally confronted her, she blurted out that she had been warned that Addie was after her man. Not only that, but she claimed that I had been the one to tell her that!

When Louie saw my astonished face, he admitted that she could've misunderstood something I had said in chat. Sorry? Could've? You mean he wasn't even sure?? And here's another fun fact: I haven't talked to her in over a year! I mean, if somebody was telling me that my girl was doing something nasty, I'd check it right away, not a year later!!

I mean, sure, there was a dire need of clearing up things, but if anybody needed to be present was Louie's girlfriend. She was the one who said crap about me, and she was the one who needed to tell it to my face. She wasn't there. So why were the others there?

I feel betrayed. I can't believe Addie could set me up like this, no matter how mad she was.
How could I ever want Addie to be my girlfriend? It seems like the girl just doesn't know what a friend is.

Intriguing find

I was getting ready to go to the office when I found one of my granny's skirts on my bed.
As I was holding it, I chuckled while thinking to myself, "Wow, I guess it WAS a wild night!!"

Of course, an easy explanation would be that my grams went by my room yesterday while carrying some clean laundry, decided to clean up a bit and just forgot to take her skirt when she left.

I REALLY hope that's what happened.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Lobotomy sounds so good sometimes

I have a dichotomy in my head. Half of the time, I like being so perceptive. I like to experience the nuances that come with the everyday experience, the subtleties that most people don't get. But being too smart can be bad for your health. And that means that I get bruised a lot more than normal people. I see people's disdain, the cruelty, the coldness. And it is in moments like these that I wish I could shut down most of my brain down. Being too smart for my own good is a pain in the butt. It hurts, bad.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

A sad passing

My cel phone died today. Three keys stopped working, and with that, I can't make a call, I can't access any menus, and I can't even load a new prepaid phone card. So I guess the hunt for a new phone starts today. I want to get a really crazy one with a neat camera and mp3 capabilities, but the $250 price tag is just too steep. Maybe I'll get me a cheapo phone for now and then switch to a classier one when the money isn't so tight.

A big drag is gonna be getting everybody's numbers once more. Oh well.

The biggest bummer is what is going to be left behind: lots and lots of photos, including a few of the last photos of Ivy I ever took. But maybe it's for the better, you know? She was way too ill by then, and that's not how I want to remember her.

Everything in life happens for a reason.

TV shows I like

Sometimes it's hard to find interesting shows, specially the animated kind. They're either too childish, or too badly drawn. Recently I came across two that are very interesting.

City Hunters is an AXE vehicle that features the archetypical wise old man, teaching the inexperienced youngster named Axel (somebody had to scratch their heads hard to come up with that name) how to charm the pants off women. The characters were designed by Italian artist Milo Manera. Really well done.

6teen is a Nelvana production which is basically an animated sitcom for teens. The animation style is innovative and I find the character design very appealing. Really classy job. Totally funny as well.

So I guess now I got stuff to watch.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Dumbest mistake ever

Jess is Bruce's girlfriend, and I was invited to her birthday party. It was going to be at a local pub: Shake and Bake. The place usually gets crowded, so I decided to show up early to get them a table. I also made a little sign that said HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JESS!! in big bold letters.

About an hour later, Bruce and Jess showed up. Jess was very amused by the sign, but her sister, Jenn, was not. She started asking, 'Hey, where's MY sign?'

Jess and Jenn are twins.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

You gotta keep your eyes peeled all the time

You never know where an Imperial Stormtrooper might be hiding!

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

I talked to her

I was scared crapless, but it was totally worth it.

Depressing comics

My friend Jojo was extremely kind and lent me two seminal comic books: Marvels and Earth X.

Marvels was a complete delight. Lushly illustrated by Alex Ross, and extremely well written by Kurt Busiek, it managed to tell the story of metahumanity as seen by the common man.

Earth X was really well crafted, but extremely depressing. An alternate future where every hero we know is old, fat or dead. And then, I read about Kingdom Come, which is just as much of a downer.


Mexico in the nude

Thousands and thousands of Mexicans stripped and had their pics taken.

That's a lot of naked Mexicans.

Things happen for a reason

Sometimes I'm really glad we didn't have webcams and vlogs back when I was 15. I'm pretty sure it would've been something like this.

Probably even worse.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Geek humour

Why can't I come up with stuff like this?? Pure genius.

Weird-ass music

I didn't plan on listening to The Flashbulb. I was just looking for the song that's featured in the Dove Evolution ad. The song was 'Passage D', from the album 'Kirlian Selections' (shown above).

I'd never listened to breakcore before, and it's hallucinating. It's a total frenzy of sound and music. Not my usual cup of tea, but quite interesting, I must tell ya. Kinda reminds me of Friends' Ross Geller and his foray into electronic music.

Friday, May 04, 2007

It’s one of those days…

Just yesterday, I felt like I was at the top of my game, but now, I feel at the very bottom of the pile. I feel angry, frustrated, depressed… It always starts with the fact that I have to face Addie every single day. Just her presence is an unyielding reminder of the rejection she subjected me to. I always wonder why did she turn me down. My mind needs answers but it gets none. And so it comes up with its own answers. And the usual answer is: I’m just too ugly, untalented, stupid, weak and/or poor for her. Or maybe my personality rubs her the wrong way. The vagueness is unnerving, but what can you do? But seldom does one get straight answers in such delicate matters. In the end, maybe it’s better not to know.

Rejection is a part of life. Thinking that everybody will like you is unrealistic. The problem is that before I realize it, I’m extrapolating one personal choice and making it a universal female characteristic. In other words, just because Addie said no, that means every single woman I ask will say the same thing. And of course, that gets me quite depressed.

Most of the time, I’m just kind of unsure that I will ever find anybody willing to love me. But when I’m in a downer like now, I’m no longer unsure: I’m deeply convinced that I’m never gonna find anybody. Telling myself that there’s tons of women out there doesn’t really help right now, because I have already developed a counter argument to that: There may be lots and lots of women out there, but there’s also lots and lots of men out there. Men who are smarter, stronger, wealthier, more talented and more handsome than me. And those guys will get first dibs on the women.

I’ll be lucky if they leave something for the rest of us. Man, that's depressing.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

First time

After about 15 years of doing it the wrong way, I finally learned the proper way of doing the deed.
I shall never go back.