The future Mrs. Kz

I keep thinking about it all the time. How will I meet my future wife? Is she gonna be my next girlfriend? Or the one after that? And will she fill the profile?

Oh, 'cause I got a profile. Any girl who's willing to take Ivy's position as Official LoveMate better be ready to meet very high standards:

*20-24 years old
*1.58-1.63 cms tall.
*slender
*beautiful (but not too beautiful)
*Catholic
*middle class or higher
*college education
*appearance-conscious
*hygenically inclined
*must love kids
*must live no more than 10 miles from my place
*single

Seems shallow, I know. But I have my reasons. Allow me to explain:

*20-24 years old: After a certain age, women are more likely to notice they can live perfectly fine without me. But if you get them young enough, you can fool them into thinking you're essencial for their survival.
*1.58-1.63 cms tall: Women of scant stature can be very lovely, but I've noticed I never seem to think of them as grown-up women. They seem like little girls, which it feels kind of pedophilic. On the other hand, girls who are taller than me always seem to be older, which feels kind of Aedipus-ish.
*slender: I have always loved athletic women. They look so... good...
*beautiful (but not too beautiful): Do I need to explain this one??
*Catholic: Life is tough enough without having to decide what church to go to.
*middle class or higher: Interclass marriage is something you do at your own risk. Seen enough cases to know that I should avoid it at all costs.
*college education: I want a mental peer. Somebody who will get my jokes without having to explain every single one. In a word: cultured.
*appearance-conscious: Nobody likes a total slob.
*must love kids: This is my theory: any woman who's willing to stand a 3-year-old child will have enough patience to stand being with me.
*must live no more than 10 miles from my place: I don't want to have to spend half a gas tank just to go see her.
*single: I am just not looking forward to marrying a girl with kids and some wacko ex-husband running around.

Seem like impossibly-high standards?
Not to me. I mean, Ivy fit the profile like a glove.

This doesn't mean I want another Ivy. That's impossible. She was totally unique and no one will ever be like she was. I just want a girl who has the highest amount of the same good traits that Ivy had.

And in my book, that's not too much to ask.