Not my cup of tea

Well, I'm a bit baffled, and I'll tell you why.

My friend Ted decided to get married, in another city. Usually, that's a short trip, but the road is getting fixed, so a 45-minute ride becomes a 90-minute nightmare. When we got there, the church had no parking space, so the car had to be parked two blocks away.

After the ceremony, we were tired, we were hungry and our feet were killing us. So if there was ever a time when a reception was more than welcome, it was then and there. Sitting down for a little wine and food would've been totally awesome. But herein lies the rub: There wasn't gonna be a reception, just a cocktail. A glass of sparkling wine, a few canapes and some cake. At least, I think they had cake. No chairs in sight.

Maybe it's just me, but that's no way to celebrate a wedding! A wedding should be celebrated with big bombast! Lots of wining, dining and dancing! After all, it's one of life's biggest moments! But, if you are inclined to give just a cocktail... would it be too much to ask not to make your guests drive 90 miles for it?

A moment with Hanoch Piven

I'd heard about Hanoch Piven's work over at my favourite illustration blog: Drawn!. He is amazing. He can make recognizable caricatures of famous people using only a few everyday items. And not only that, the items are always related to the person he is portraying.

A couple of weeks later, I found out he was coming to Kzanderallia as part of a tour he's doing in which he gives a little conference and then a workshop. He also brings a few pieces for temporary exhibit.

The conference was really entertaining. He shared some of his experiences, showed a lot of his works and then fielded a few questions from the audience. Mr. Piven was really quite friendly and approachable, and he even checked out some projects a few local aspiring illustrators showed him. (I imagine he gets asked to do that a lot.)

Subtle and Forceful

I came across this cover for Grupo Nitche's 1998 album, Sutil y Contundente:



I have to say that I find the image both sexy and disturbing. The girl's hot and all, but you've got to admit that seeing her turned on by the sight of a fist in her face gives off sadomasochistic undertones. The kiss on the guy's biceps even seems to say, 'I love it when you beat me up.'

The perfect gift for a feminist.

I gave my mom a camera

Recently I had the opportunity to get a discount on a new camera. So I decided to use it to get a new Canon SD600 for my mom. I was supposed to give it to her on Mother's Day, but I just couldn't help myself and gave it to her yesterday.



She was really happy with it. It has a big 2.5-inch screen, which helps her take pictures without having to put on her glasses first. Plus, it's very easy to use. Just point-and-shoot.

So that's it for Mother's Day, right? WRONG! Today I swung by the Canon store and got her a camera case and a bigger SD card. (The 16 MB card included with the camera is just ridiculous.)

Am I being too generous? Maybe. But MAD magazine said it best: "A son who spends too much on Mother's Day is emotionally sick, but not as sick as a son who doesn't spend enough."

Big deal

I heard about Doki Doki Maijo Saiban and rushed to see what the fuss was about. Apparently it's a Nintendo DS game in which you touch girls with your stylus to see if they're witches.

I don't know what the fuss is about. I've been playing that game for years. However, almost every girl I ever touched with my stylus turned out to be a witch.

Dumb people make me mad

I was chatting online the other day, and some girl pointed out a line in my profile: "Irresistible since 1976". She wanted me to give her proof that I was, indeed, irresistible. When I tried to tell her it was a joke, she said I was liar.

I keep forgetting that not everyone has a sense of humor. You need active brain cells to have one.

Self promotion gone bad

I came upon some promos for a fledgling photographer. His copy said, "Check out my photo gallery, so you can know how you'd look like if you hire me." Sure enough, I checked his portfolio and this is what I found:



Personally, I don't think 'retarded ho' is a flattering look, no matter how you look at it.

...aaand I'm not sad anymore

Not that people are on the edge of their seats when I get into my sad moods, but I feel like telling you folks that I'm feeling surprisingly good again. I guess the long drive helped, after all.

Sad again (big surprise)

Holy Week is almost over, and let me tell you, long holidays are the worst when you're single. You got nothing to do, nowhere to go. Sure, some guys asked me to join them in their trips to the beach or the barbecues. However, I really wasn't feeling much in the mood. I was a bit down. But now I am officially depressed.

I took a long car drive to speak my mind off, and it did help a bit, but I am still gloomy. Since going over my downers is boring, I'll just give you the synopsis: I want to have a girlfriend by my side, but I feel I'm too fat ( too ugly, too poor, too dumb, etc.) to get one.

This is one of those moments when having a FG really helps to keep the ol' self esteem alive. However, I am no longer able to pretend that Paulette is even a bit interested in me when she is not. And that means I should leave her alone. She's been kind enough to stand my phone calls, and my mails, and my text messages for six months. Enough is enough. The girl needs a vacation.

-----
UPDATE: The girl did get a vacation, but I had little to do with it. She got herself a local boyfriend and she no longer takes my calls. Oh, well.

Paulette

I think anybody who reads this blog in a somewhat frequent manner has realized that I can't seem to be able to last too long without falling in love with some girl. Most of the times, it's unrequited love, but at least it keeps me going. And after the whole Addie fiasco, I really need it.

So now, it seems, it's Paulette's turn. I met her last year at an advertising expo. We started writing to each other and we've talked quite a bit since.

I want things to get serious, but as always, there are a few hurdles to overcome:

1. She lives in Xanadu, which is four hours away.
   
2. She is 9 years my junior
3. I have no clue how she feels towards me.

Not the best of odds, actually. But until I can find some else to crush on, she'll have to do.

Addie addendum

It's been four months since I asked Addie, the office secretary, to be my girlfriend and she turned me down. The dust has settled in a lot of ways. But of course, things were never the same, and they never will.

I am really saddened, because she was one of my best friends, and now it's like we're strangers. Or worse. I have this nagging sensation that she now hates my guts.

I'll tell you this: going to work is even less fun now that it used to be.

I should talk smack more often

Just when I thought this blog had finally reached zero visitors, I got three comments on my 'McGriddles suck' post. I guess there's nothing like a good controversy to stir up readership.

Watch out, KFC! YOU'RE NEXT!

McGross

I had been waiting to taste the new McGriddles for a long time. In case you don't know about them, they're just like a McMuffin, but with syrup-soaked 'griddle cakes' (think pancakes) instead of muffins.

Anyway, I wanted one since I heard about them on SuperSize Me. Granted, that's not the best place to get your McDonald's news, but hey, they made me curious. And when they finally came out in Kzanderallia, I totally wanted one, even after hearing some very negative comments.

The problem was that the McGriddles are part of the breakfast menu, which is only available from 7:00 till 10:30. And I am never near a McDonalds at that precise time. But I was determined, and so today I got not one, but two McGriddles.

However, I couldn't eat my precious McGriddles right away. I was on my way to the gym, and if I were to munch on the 'Griddles, it would have a negative impact on my performance. And so I had to wait for two hours till I finally had my hands on them.

As my teeth dug into the soft, sweet griddle cakes, my tastebuds started sending some disturbing sensations back to the brain. I couldn't really understand what was going until it hit me: the combination of sausage and maple syrup is revolting! Still, I soldiered on and finished the sandwich. I was unsure if I should try the second McGriddle, the one without egg in it. I decided to give it a chance, but the results were the same. I could feel the nausea building inside of me. I kept a handle on myself and finished the second Griddle as well.

I had to take a moment to control my unruly esophagus, that desperately wanted to heave everything out of my body. As I was doing so, I thought that my experience may have been tainted by the fact that the Griddles had to sit in the car for two hours. However I'm not about to go eat another one of those repugnant things, even if it is for science's sake.

Solid gold dancing, baby!

My dance instructor is going out of the country for a couple of weeks, and she decided to go out with a bang. So, for our final session before her break, we had a “superclass”. For those of you not in the know, a “superclass” is a class that’s twice as long as a normal class. So instead of dancing for an hour, we did it for two.

I think I already told you how grueling my first dance class was. However, yesterday’s superclass was a breeze. I got tired, but nowhere as tired as I did when I started up. And I think I got about 65% of the dance steps right, which is an improvement considering that I didn’t get any steps right the first time.

The best part was that the superclass was that they gave away medals at the end, and I GOT FIRST PLACE!!

Fred Astaire, eat your heart out!

It happened at the gym

I was at the gym yesterday and a girl I’ll call Sorella asked me about a some girl who used to go to the gym and whom she’d hadn’t seen around lately. Sorella figured that since she’d seen me talking to this girl a few times, I’d know whatever had happened to her. When Sorella started describing the girl, I realized she was talking about… Ivy.

So, I had to tell her the reason why Ivy wasn’t going to the gym anymore: she passed away over a year ago.

I thought I was finished telling people about Ivy’s passing. But it turns out I was wrong. It’s a sad task, of course, but the worst part is having to kill somebody in a person’s mind. Let’s see if I can explain the previous phrase.

Right now, you’re alive in the mind of everyone who knows you. After you die, all those people who don’t know you’re gone will still think they can give you a call or go out with you at any given time. So, in a way, you’re still alive. But then, as people are told of your passing, you start to die in each of those minds. It’s like you die a thousand deaths. Not that people will not remember you or miss you. It’s just that, from that point on, they’ll know that they will never be able to see you ever again. No more phone calls six times a day from you. No more no more Christmas gifts, no more going to the movies. Nothing. It’s over. You’re dead.

So now, thanks to me, Ivy is dead in Sorella’s mind as well.

Zoo visit, botched

I was on my way to the zoo to take some more night shots of the animals, but traffic prevented me from going. I mean, it was like a solid wall of cars, which stretched out for miles. Talk about a total drag.

Another crush bites the dust

Oh, it's a sad day for me. One of my most intense crushes, Neighbor Girl, is getting married.

Lemme tell you about Neighbor Girl. As her name implies, she lived with her family next door. I've known her for almost 20 years. She was a cute girl, but when she hit 14, she got HOT. She looks a lot like Kristin Kreuk: tall, slim and breathtaking.

Despite having her living so close, I never figured a way to get close to her. The fact that I am almost ten years older didn't help. A 24-year-old going out with a 34 year-old isn't so out of whack, but a girl merely 15 years of age going with a 25-year-old would've seemed kinda weird.

Anyway, a little time later I started going out with Ivy and so Neighbor Girl got sidetracked. But even so, every time I caught a glimpse of her coming out of her house I couldn't help but give out a little sigh for 'my impossible love'.

Fast-forward five years. Single once more, harmless little crushes like Neighbor Girl became a bit more relevant in my life. My brain started entertaining the notion that something could actually happen between us. Nevermind the fact that in the 20+ years of living by her, I had exchanged words with Neighbor Girl exactly once. And please ignore the fact that she had been going out with a guy for a couple of years. My heart wanted to believe it was possible.

But it wasn't.

My mom broke the bad news to me today. Neighbor Girl got preggo and is getting married ipso facto, this very Friday. I am heartbroken. It's as if a little bit of me has died.

As I said, it's a very sad day indeed.

Survived my first dance class!

Did I tell you I was gonna take some dancing classes? Well, I've always thought that dancing is one of the fundamental skills a man must master in order to be called a man. I read somewhere that in some animal species, all the males are required to do a dance in front of the ladies. And the ladies choose their mates according to their dancing abilities. Some of this is also true in the human realm.

Dancing has been a part of my life since I can remember. My parents loved to dance, and they did it so well, that watching them was always a delight. Along the years, I've been able to learn a few moves here and there, but I'm still a crappy dancer overall.

So I decided to start attending dance classes down at the gym I go to. (Did I tell you I went back to the gym? Oh well, that's a whole other post). The teacher is very young and gorgeous, which helped me take the plunge.

Well, today was my first day. I was nervous. Was I gonna be the only dude? I had visions of me making a total fool of myself. Turns out my fears were unfounded. There were a couple other dudes in there, and everyone was a beginner, so even though I sucked, I wasn't the worst dancer in the room.

We learned five basic steps for salsa, and two ways to spin. It was a bit difficult at first, but then I kinda got it. Then the steps became more and more complicated, and I had a lot of trouble keeping up, but in the end I had fun.

I must say, though, that salsa can be exhausting. I could feel my legs becoming heavier and heavier by the minute as my stamina evaporated. I looked at the teacher: she hadn't even broken a sweat. Just when I thought I was gonna drop dead, the class finished and I was released at last.

I was so utterly tired that I could barely breathe, much less move. I dragged myself out of the dance room, and drank about a liter of water in one sip.

I can't wait for the next class.

My mom is 59

I have a feeling that's a bit of information that she'd prefer to keep under wraps, but I don't care. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOM!!

Smallville

I love how they've taken a dull character as Superman (I mean, he's invencible, where's the fun in that?) and made him extremely interesting.

But maybe the biggest feat is making 30-year-olds look like teenagers. I mean, not everyone can be Michael J. Fox, you know! But these guys pull it off.

Hands down, my favorite thing about Smallville is looking at Kristin Kreuk. She is just hot. I just found out she's Chinese. Here's a pic.



Isn't she cute as a button?