Hi there!

This is my first post of 2008!! I can't believe I haven't posted anything for the past three months.

Well, I HAVE been busy with my youth group. In fact, I've let it take up all of my free time. It seems like ages since I had a good night's sleep. But it's been quite entertaining.

The problem? It may all be nothing more than an escapism. Seems to me that everything I've done for my group reeks of desperation, of not wanting to face facts. I haven't done anything to get my degree, or improve my body, or even clean up my room.

I have a holiday coming up, I better get some work done then. God knows it's about time.

No more?

I really don't feel like celebrating the birth of our Lord. At least not in the Christmas-y way I've been used to for the past 15 years. I don't feel like giving any presents. I don't want any, either. So going against the current can't be all that bad. At least it makes me look original. Right?

Now ask me what I'm about to do. You guessed it, I'm rushing down to the store to buy presents, just like I did last year, and the year before and... so much for my resolve.

Ho-ho-holy shit

Now here's a post with a definitely bad-ass title. Too bad the rest of the post doesn't live up to it, since it's just me ranting about my sucky life.

I am currently undergoing some really hardcore holiday downers. I am a mess. My life is a mess, I am completely unproductive, uncreative... I can't seem to get anything done. I still haven't gotten my degree. Did I ever tell you it's EIGHT YEARS OVERDUE???

And of course, I'm alone. But you know what? God knows best. He's waiting for me to get my life out of the toilet before he puts somebody before me.

Thank you, Lord.

Fate has spoken once more

Well, hi there!!
I know I've been gone for a while, but I'll try to get you up to speed.
I work at the very same place.
Family's fine, by the way.
I am still alone.

However, I'm trying desperately not to freak out about that last thing. I want to believe that if the Lord has kept me alive is because he wants me around. And if no girl seems to want to be with me, then I must assume that it's His Will as well.

31... so what?

It's depressing to be so damn old and without a clue.
I don't have a freaking idea how to land a good job.
I don't know how to get girls
I don't know how to look good.
I don't know how to get a freaking grip on life.

The 100 Worst Porn Movie Titles of All Time

Oh, and they're not kidding.
These suck. And not it the good way.

Saying what's on your mind isn't always the best

I had a very unholy outburst just yesterday. A friend of mine called me up to tell me he was off to a three-day seminar. Since he isn't very religious, I applauded his effort to follow the Lord. But then I found out the church he was going to: God's House. A Catholic myself, I have the utmost respect for established churches: Orthodox, Lutheran, etc. But this "church" is nothing more than a marketing scheme focused on getting people's money.

So when he told me the name of the church he was going to, I couldn't help saying, "Oh, shit."

Abby, the architect

My sister Abby got her diploma tonight.
YEY ABBY!!

Lost again

I haven't really had much time to do my customary introspection, but I've been doing some of it here and there... the results are far from glorious.

I allowed myself to lose track of my real purpose down at the church group. True, when I started going there all I wanted was to meet new people, since all of my friends had gone off and gotten married and had started to have kids. So I made a few friends, and got more involved. Then something funny happened: I fell in love. I didn't really planned it. It just happened.

But, as most of my crushes go, she is totally not interested. And why should she be? Why should ANY of them should be? Even a street bum has more to offer to a girl than me. Ok, that's not true, but do I feel sad that there is so little interest in me from the opposite sex.

That got me thinking, and I've concluded that this is not the best time for me to have a girlfriend. I think I should stay off from chasing girls for a while. I have a lot of issues to work out. I need to really, really improve myself. I want to travel, learn new things and focus myself on serving the Lord. And I need to remember that He is the only one who will decide what the rest of my life will be like.

A brand new Kz!!

I am amazed at how well I'm doing nowdays.

It all started with the salsa class. I'm really enjoying my dancing skillz, and it's given me a lot of confidence. I've made a lot of new friends down at the gym.

I'm taking a creativity course, and it's been a breath of fresh air for my creativity. Doing boring jobs at Lexcorp had begun to oxidize my creative brain. It's good to make it shiny and new again.

I'm part of a church youth group, and it's making me feel really good about myself. Mainly it's helped me to boost my self-esteem to unseen heights. I no longer feel worthless or something like that. I now know that I'm worthy no matter what.

I attended a three-day seminar on motivation and leadership, and boy, it helped a lot. I now think that I too can be a leader, and I also know new ways of dealing with outside factors so that they don't affect me or my self-esteem.

I love my life, and I love myself.

Thank you, Lord. For making it happen.

Star Trek + Monty Python

It is truly something to see.

It takes a real man...

Just today, I participated in a salsa dance demonstration and a belly dance demonstration.

I learned that it takes a real man to be the only male in an all-female dance class.

It also takes a real man to go in front of an audience and dance salsa.

But it takes a REALLY, REALLY confident man to go out and dance salsa in front of a hundred people wearing a fucsia shirt.

Forget what I said before

Funny, isn't it? A few days back, I was moaning about the fact that I was all alone in the Youth Group. Now I feel as secure as can be. Why? I think I've started connecting with people. It's way too subtle still, but I think they no longer think of me as another guy.

Maybe it was the Monday email that the chief coordinator sent to all of the Group staff, praising my dedication and enthusiasm. Maybe.

Or maybe it could've been the fact that the girl I have the hots for told me that she was praying for the longest time for somebody like me to come along to help out the group with some mad graphic skillz. Yeah, that could've been it...

Actually, I was really moved when I realized I was the answer to somebody's prayers. I was really touched. No joke.

Warping brands

I think I've seen the video for George Michael's Killer/Papa was a Rolling Stone about a couple of times, and only now did I do so in its entirety, thanks to You Tube. Now, this is one of those cases where the song and the video just click in your mind, and remain there for years. This song is over 13 years old, and yet, I remember vividly when it came out.

What really blew me away was the fact that they created fake products that featured some of the song's lyrics. So you had Remember cream, and All Alone detergent. This form of brand subversion had been used in rave culture and it reached the video industry. When I first saw the video, I remember thinking, "Wow, you can warp brands and logos like that and get away with it? That's so clever!!" I guess that was the designer in me, stirring already.

Two of a kind

See the poster on your left? It's for Death Proof' the latest Tarentino movie. Take a good look at it. I did, and I couldn't help but notice it reminded me of something else. But I couldn't really put my finger on it.

I finally figured it out. If you only focus on the black area, you'll notice a faint resemblance with Israfel, one of the angels in Neon Genesis Evangelion.






Check it out:


Even the head and the skull in the same place!

Isn't it amazing?

What a mess

I am feeling a bit paranoid and insecure right now. And here's why: it seems that a lot of people that I've known for years have seen it fit to turn against me on a dime.

What shall I do?

No idea.

Cope, for now.

Revenge, when it's time.

And yet...

I've been investing myself evermore into the Youth Group I mentioned earlier. More people know me... and yet, yesterday I realized that... I am as alone as I always was.

I don't feel as if I've connected. Even after three months, I don't have any friends. I think the worst time is when people gather around to chat after the reunion is over. That's because I don't have anybody to talk to. When I attempt to start a conversation, it feels strained and awkward. I try not to externalize any of these feelings, because I don't want to be tagged as a downer.

So I feel that the original purpose of attending the Youth Group -to make new friends- has failed miserably. And yet, I think I'll keep going. Why? Because it makes me feel as if I have a chance to be a good person and be actually useful for once.

New phone!

Keeping up with the recent shopping spree that is sure to take me to the poorhouse, I bought a new phone this weekend. I must say, it's a really cool one. It's a Samsung SGH-E250. It's a slider type of phone, and it's very light and fits anywhere. It also has two features that oughta come in handy: Bluetooth and an FM radio. I've never had either one of those things on a phone, so it's gonna be interesting.

And what's the first thing I did once I got it? I made a custom wallpaper for it:


Yes, I am a dork.

Another Potter movie, another wasted afternoon

I really don't know why I even bother anymore. Harry Potter and its related paraphernalia are totally foreign to me. I fail to see the magic, pardon the pun.

Maybe it's because I got into Potter's world thru the movies. Maybe if I had read each of the 10,000-page books, I could've found the interesting aspects in the story. But I don't really care about it all.

And yet, I keep going to see the films. Maybe the reason I keep throwing my money away is twofold: I don't like to be kept out of the loop, and Potter is really big. You don't get a lot of jokes nowdays if you know nothing of the Hogwarts and the Slytherins and everything else.
The other reason is that I keep trying to unlock J.K. Rolling's secret for marketing this crap for millions.

Poor Jessica Alba

She's had a rough patch this year.

First, they dyed her beautiful hair and gave her contacts to try to turn a Latina sexual goddess into a... second rate blond wannabe? I'm talking about the Fantastic Four franchise movie, of course. I mean, if they wanted a blond actress with blue eyes, was it so hard to get one? I'm pretty sure there's a few girls like that. But if they decided to cast Alba as Sue Storm, why not make Sue into a hot Latina? I mean, Jess is a gorgeous girl who's been asked to look like a fake Barbie. The look is so abhorrent that it's almost impossible to focus on anything else but on how unnatural she looks.

Then GQ stepped in. I didn't think you could make a smoldering babe like Jessica Alba look anything but sexy, but photographer Terry Richardson proved me wrong.

First he tried making her hump a stuffed dog.


When that failed to produce the intended result, he made eat a rose like a horse.



And just to make sure he got it right, he made her look mentally challenged, her face devoid of any expression while water drooled out of her mouth.


Mission accomplished!!