Talk about awkward

It's been almost a week since I asked Addie to be my girl and got rejected. I thought I could handle it, and I have, but it's been really tough.

I wanted things to be the same as they were. Yeah, I was that naive.

Now I realize that normalcy will be almost impossible. Addie and I have crossed a line which usually botches up many a friendship. Our relationship has lost its balance and now it's an ugly mess.

I can't treat her like I used to do before. Whenever I try to be as friendly as I used to, I find myself feeling awkward. It's like I'm angry at her for rejecting me, and that anger is blocking all my positive feelings toward her.

I don't hate her. After all, she did me a favour by turning me down if she wasn't interested. But she did hurt me, so there's a part of me that resents her.

All this awkwardness wouldn't be a problem except for the fact that she and I work in the same environment, so I keep running into her every five minutes. Talk about a dumb predicament.

I think I will survive. My friendship with Addie, however, may not.

Restoring my Granny's artwork

Take a look at this:



This print has been hanging at my granny's house since I can remember. It has a golden frame, not too fancy. When I was a kid, I stared at it and pictured myself being there.
It was a few years later that I realized there was a lake. It took me a little extra time to realize there was also a boat. Can you see it?

Anyways, the years and the sun made it faded and dull. So I decided to surprise my granny by restoring it. Of course, I can't restore the original print, but I took a picture of it and used good ol' Photoshop to bring it back to life. I think I did a really good job. I'm printing it and then I'm gonna use the very same frame the original had. I think she'll be pleased.

Saved you from a lame post

I was this close to posting while under the influence of 'down-in-the-dumps' syndrome. This can cause severe mood swings, that mostly turn to the darker parts of the loving Kz you know and cherish.

Yes, I was sad, and yes, I once again contemplated whacking myself (in the bad way). But I called a friend of mine and he managed to cheer me up a bit.

And some say friends are overrated.

Merry Christmas, you guys!

Shot down and I feel fine

Gather 'round, my kiddies, lemme tell you a story about a girl named Addie. She works as a secretary down at Lexcorp, and she's a really nice person. She's been a good friend to me for the last four years. After I became single once again, I began to feel attracted towards Addie. So I decided to act upon my feelings, and I got myself all gussied up and drove to her house. When I got there, I (very awkwardly) managed to get my point across: I liked her, REALLY liked her.

She didn't actually say no, but she did say the word 'friend' about a trillion times (You're such a really great friend... I've always considered you to be a special friend, etc.). She handled it really well, I must say. I was rejected, but in a very smooth and caring way. If I ever have to turn somebody down, I think I will use this very same strategy.

But a rejection is a rejection and it hit me like a ton of bricks. It was like a little stab at first, but when I was driving home with my tail between my legs, I got really depressed and all my self-loathing surfaced: She's right, why should she choose you? You are an ugly, worthless freak... You don't even have a decent job, you are a has-been, you should do the world a favour and off yourself, you pathetic piece of trash, etc. I wasn't mad at her at any point, it was all against me, for being such a pathetic suitor.

Being that my state of mind, I did the only logical thing I could think of: getting some booze in me. I called a friend of mine, and joined him and his buddies at the bar they were at. Nothing like taking a depressant when you are depressed, right? In the end, I never got past a good buzz, which is good. At the end of the night, I talked with one of the guys who's even unluckier in love than me: he's 28 and he's never had a girlfriend. Had my life been a bit different, I'd be him. Talking to him was really good, put me back on track.

Thinking over the evening's events, I realized that I wasn't really interested in Addie. I just wanted a girl, any girl. Loneliness can be tough. But I gotta be better than that, for the sake of everyone involved.

My kids and stuff

Today, my mom said, 'You barely got any patience, my son... I pity your kids!'
I snapped back, 'That's exactly why I'm not having any kids ever!'

She was teasing, but I don't know if I was. Maybe a bit, maybe not.

You see, the more I think about being a dad, the scarier it seems. I only see ways in which I would screw up. Geez, I do a lousy job taking care of myself... it'd be cruelty to subject a live human baby to my ineptitude. It'd be criminal, even.

Sir Kz

I was standing in line at the supermarket when a kid who wanted to cut in line asked me very politely, 'Excuse me, sir...?' Geez, what a way to make a guy feel old! No way around it: I'm thirty, whether I like it or not. And that's old enough to be called 'sir'. Oh well.

A very impressive anniversary

Today, my parents would be celebrating 32 years together if my dad was still alive. But my dad died shortly before they reached 30. Still... Thirty years of marital bliss! They could've taught the new generations a thing or two. Then people wouldn't be reaching for the divorce lawyer at the drop of a hat.

Not my best weekend by far

'Tis the holidays, even in Kzanderallia. The season of feasting and eating. No surprise, it's also the season of indigestion.

Boy did I have one this weekend. It started as a humongous belly-ache that just wouldn't quit. Then it got worse. Now, the rest of the details you don't need to know, but suffice it to say that it wasn't pretty. But having the runs never is. The worst part was feeling like a piñata after a couple dozen kids have beaten the heck out of it. Ouch.

Luckily, my mom and my grandma lovingly nursed me back to health. So much so that I will be able to go back to work on Monday.

Dammit.

Do you believe in Fate?

I dunno. It sure would be nice to just relax and let it take over. But a part of me says that if I let go of the wheel of my life, I will just go off a cliff.