The trouble with finding a lady for me

I've always been inclined to think poorly of myself, specially in the ladies department. Getting a girl seems like a totally impossible feat for me. I used to blame it on the fact that I am fat, or maybe I didn't dress right. Or maybe I was too ugly to get girls.

But then, I noticed that uglier, worse dressed kids were getting girls. And no, it didn't always mean that they were loaded (although that always helps). It was a self esteem issue, plain and simple.

Other dudes didn't think of themselves as the scum of the earth, so other people didn't either. But I always seem to be thinking something along the lines of 'This shirt makes me look fat', 'I hate my hairdo', 'My beard looks like crap'. And, I mean, that shows. But I don't know how to consciously overcome it. Sometimes, in the right mindset, I am able to forget myself and achieve wonders. But those happenings are scarce.

Ivy helped me not to think about these things, because she was just the perfect woman for me. She was cute and she loved me a lot. She had flaws, as any other human being. But she fulfilled me in ways I can't even begin to describe. I was so fulfilled that I didn't have to worry about how attractive I was cause she was a living proof that I wasn't so bad. One thing I loved about being with Ivy was the fact that I would never have to date again.

But now she's gone and I'm on the dating arena once more. And it doesn't seem pretty.

Lemme clear things up

It's not that I can't get girls at all, 'cause I can. But I have a weird ability to hook-up girls in whom I have no interest whatsoever. The less I want them, the more they want me.

So why don't I just hook up with one of those?? 'Cause it's not about hooking up with anybody. Maybe it was like that at the very beginning, but nowdays I have standards, dammit. The way I see it, any girlfriend I end up having has to have at least as much qualities as Ivy did. It's setting the bar a bit high, but anything less would be a setback.

Tell me whom you're hanging with, and I'll tell you who you are

A lot of people may not want to agree on this thing I'm about to say, but here goes: Mates are status symbols. Trophies. The kind of man or woman you get says a lot about you. The hotter your mate looks, the better off you are.

Because hot-looking mates are hard to come by, it takes a really special person to nail one of them. You may be loaded, or maybe you're hot-looking yourself. Or maybe you have this amazing quality which makes you totally attractive.

Now, being neither hot-looking nor wealthy, and not having any redeeming qualities, I am screwed.

Self improvement

Now just 'cause I'm lame now doesn't mean I plan on staying lame. As soon as I get my degree (which would be some major improvement right there), I want to better myself thoroughly. I'll get dance lessons, and I'll learn Italian and German. I'll go to the gym regularly and eat right. I'll also improve my wardrobe.

Now, if I could only get a personality transplant, I'd be set!!