I went to see Ivy today. As I was there, I started thinking, about life, about love. And then I realized that I need to stop thinking about getting a relationship again. In fact, I have vowed to stay single for the rest of my life.
I will never ask another woman to marry me. I don't deserve beautiful things like marriage. I don't have the qualities to be a good husband: I lack the inner strength, I lack the resolve, I don't have wisdom. I am nothing but a moronic, good-for-nothing jerk. And scum like me doesn't have the right to a wife.
No dating, either. From now on, I will only have friends. I will be nice, I will behave, and I will do whatever is in my power to help my fellow man. But I won't ever attempt to have any sort of relationship with a girl ever again.
And of course, no kids. Yesterday, I was at my friend Jujo's place the other day. I watched as tiny, precious human being got his diapers changed. Then I got to see him being fed. He was so delicate! They wanted me to hold him, but I totally refused. I'm too clumsy to ever hold a baby!!
But Jujo was a pro. He was a total dad: commited, helpful, caring.
That's when I realized I will never be a good dad. Such a responsibility! I mean, getting a baby is not like getting a dog, or like buying an iPod. It's a human being! It's not only about keeping him fed and happy. It's about putting some values into the kid, making him a good person, a solid citizen.
I can't do that. I don't have the patience. I am messy and disorganized. I can't be in charge of a baby! Plus, it's not as if I have some legacy to instill on a kid.
In short, I will not date, will not marry, and will not procreate.
I think the world should thank me.
3 comments:
you'd be surprised how muc getting an actual baby changes you. Few people have all these qualities before they have a baby, and then when that little human pops out: bam! it changes you in more ways you ever could have dreamt possible. You also pick up tons of things in the first months, heck it never stops, becoming a parent and being one is a never ending learning experience. Or that's what i heard from people I know with kids. Don't dismiss it before you've tried. Keep going out, if you don't deserve a wife, no one does. eventually you'll find a wome you will want to have kids with and you're going to love those kids more than anything in the world, wanna bet? :)
xxxxxpp said pretty much everything I would have. I've had four years of parenting experience so far and *still* have days when I feel like I don't know what the hell I'm doing. You will find someone wonderful, Kz - you deserve that and far more.
5x2p is right. My oldest is 13 and I'm STILL disorganized and messy... and I think you have plenty to offer. I hope God drops the right woman right in your lap - then you won't necessarily have to deal with the "dating" part ;-)
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