If you loathe KZ, raise your hand!

Many folks may not enjoy my company, but NOBODY can hate me more than I do. When I'm in such a state of mind, it's very hard for me to think up something positive to say about myself. I hate my tastes, my actions, the way I do things. I hate not being able to do so much... and what I CAN do, I despise.

Some poor folks have encountered me when I'm in this awful state. They've done their darnedest to get me to feel better about myself. But they just cannot. It's like being in a long dark tunnel. Only there's no light at either end. Eventually, I move out of it. Something happens that distracts me long enough to stop thinking about myself.

Right now, I'm waiting for such an event to happen.

You guessed it, I'm self-loathing right now.

What triggered it??

If I had to choose, I'd say it was seeing my cousin.

Paul has all the stuff I wish I did: good looks, self-confidence, lots of friends, money, youth. Next to him, I feel like a burned-out husk of a man.

I'm ten years older than he is. Am I in a better place than he is? No.
In several aspects, I'm way worse. Sure, sure... I've got experience. Supposedly. But do I really??

And as if all of that wasn't enough

I went out to the best part of town to do some errands. I deeply regret doing that. Every time I go there, I see nothing but young, wealthy people with incredible looks. And I feel even more inadecuate than I usually do.

In short...

These are some of the moments when life is really not worth living.