Could I possibly had gotten it wrong?

I kissed a girl for the first time at 23. I didn't have my first girlfriend till I was 24.

Talk about lame, right? I can trace it all back when my friends starting going out with chicks at 14. We started going out to parties. But while everybody managed to get women to dance with them, and managed to get phone numbers galore, I always came up with zilch.

It feels as if I went to the same party over and over.

When I arrived, I'd ask a few girls if they wanted to dance. Some actually did. But then, I wouldn't know what to say to them. When I did manage to muster up the courage to say something, the music would drown it out. So it was just me and her, standing in the dance floor, dancing and not talking. So awkward. Then the song would end and each would go our own separate ways.

But as boring and frustrating as that was, it was less pathetic and soul-deadening than just sitting at a table all by myself, staring at a glass of Coke and pretending not to be the most miserable guy there. It was just so depressing. I would sit there and supposedly scan the dancefloor for girls to dance with. Actually I was looking for girls who wouldn't turn me down so harshly. Because they did. Hundreds of times.

I guess that's when my self-confidence got crushed to a pulp. Oh, and the self-loathing? It began about there too.

Looking back, it doesn't make sense. If I was so miserable, why didn't I just stop going to parties? Maybe 'cause I sensed that staying at home all the time was gonna be even worse.

My friends look back fondly on those times. But to me, it was akin to having my skin pulled from my body with tweezers.