Lost again

I haven't really had much time to do my customary introspection, but I've been doing some of it here and there... the results are far from glorious.

I allowed myself to lose track of my real purpose down at the church group. True, when I started going there all I wanted was to meet new people, since all of my friends had gone off and gotten married and had started to have kids. So I made a few friends, and got more involved. Then something funny happened: I fell in love. I didn't really planned it. It just happened.

But, as most of my crushes go, she is totally not interested. And why should she be? Why should ANY of them should be? Even a street bum has more to offer to a girl than me. Ok, that's not true, but do I feel sad that there is so little interest in me from the opposite sex.

That got me thinking, and I've concluded that this is not the best time for me to have a girlfriend. I think I should stay off from chasing girls for a while. I have a lot of issues to work out. I need to really, really improve myself. I want to travel, learn new things and focus myself on serving the Lord. And I need to remember that He is the only one who will decide what the rest of my life will be like.

A brand new Kz!!

I am amazed at how well I'm doing nowdays.

It all started with the salsa class. I'm really enjoying my dancing skillz, and it's given me a lot of confidence. I've made a lot of new friends down at the gym.

I'm taking a creativity course, and it's been a breath of fresh air for my creativity. Doing boring jobs at Lexcorp had begun to oxidize my creative brain. It's good to make it shiny and new again.

I'm part of a church youth group, and it's making me feel really good about myself. Mainly it's helped me to boost my self-esteem to unseen heights. I no longer feel worthless or something like that. I now know that I'm worthy no matter what.

I attended a three-day seminar on motivation and leadership, and boy, it helped a lot. I now think that I too can be a leader, and I also know new ways of dealing with outside factors so that they don't affect me or my self-esteem.

I love my life, and I love myself.

Thank you, Lord. For making it happen.

Star Trek + Monty Python

It is truly something to see.

It takes a real man...

Just today, I participated in a salsa dance demonstration and a belly dance demonstration.

I learned that it takes a real man to be the only male in an all-female dance class.

It also takes a real man to go in front of an audience and dance salsa.

But it takes a REALLY, REALLY confident man to go out and dance salsa in front of a hundred people wearing a fucsia shirt.

Forget what I said before

Funny, isn't it? A few days back, I was moaning about the fact that I was all alone in the Youth Group. Now I feel as secure as can be. Why? I think I've started connecting with people. It's way too subtle still, but I think they no longer think of me as another guy.

Maybe it was the Monday email that the chief coordinator sent to all of the Group staff, praising my dedication and enthusiasm. Maybe.

Or maybe it could've been the fact that the girl I have the hots for told me that she was praying for the longest time for somebody like me to come along to help out the group with some mad graphic skillz. Yeah, that could've been it...

Actually, I was really moved when I realized I was the answer to somebody's prayers. I was really touched. No joke.

Warping brands

I think I've seen the video for George Michael's Killer/Papa was a Rolling Stone about a couple of times, and only now did I do so in its entirety, thanks to You Tube. Now, this is one of those cases where the song and the video just click in your mind, and remain there for years. This song is over 13 years old, and yet, I remember vividly when it came out.

What really blew me away was the fact that they created fake products that featured some of the song's lyrics. So you had Remember cream, and All Alone detergent. This form of brand subversion had been used in rave culture and it reached the video industry. When I first saw the video, I remember thinking, "Wow, you can warp brands and logos like that and get away with it? That's so clever!!" I guess that was the designer in me, stirring already.

Two of a kind

See the poster on your left? It's for Death Proof' the latest Tarentino movie. Take a good look at it. I did, and I couldn't help but notice it reminded me of something else. But I couldn't really put my finger on it.

I finally figured it out. If you only focus on the black area, you'll notice a faint resemblance with Israfel, one of the angels in Neon Genesis Evangelion.






Check it out:


Even the head and the skull in the same place!

Isn't it amazing?

What a mess

I am feeling a bit paranoid and insecure right now. And here's why: it seems that a lot of people that I've known for years have seen it fit to turn against me on a dime.

What shall I do?

No idea.

Cope, for now.

Revenge, when it's time.

And yet...

I've been investing myself evermore into the Youth Group I mentioned earlier. More people know me... and yet, yesterday I realized that... I am as alone as I always was.

I don't feel as if I've connected. Even after three months, I don't have any friends. I think the worst time is when people gather around to chat after the reunion is over. That's because I don't have anybody to talk to. When I attempt to start a conversation, it feels strained and awkward. I try not to externalize any of these feelings, because I don't want to be tagged as a downer.

So I feel that the original purpose of attending the Youth Group -to make new friends- has failed miserably. And yet, I think I'll keep going. Why? Because it makes me feel as if I have a chance to be a good person and be actually useful for once.

New phone!

Keeping up with the recent shopping spree that is sure to take me to the poorhouse, I bought a new phone this weekend. I must say, it's a really cool one. It's a Samsung SGH-E250. It's a slider type of phone, and it's very light and fits anywhere. It also has two features that oughta come in handy: Bluetooth and an FM radio. I've never had either one of those things on a phone, so it's gonna be interesting.

And what's the first thing I did once I got it? I made a custom wallpaper for it:


Yes, I am a dork.

Another Potter movie, another wasted afternoon

I really don't know why I even bother anymore. Harry Potter and its related paraphernalia are totally foreign to me. I fail to see the magic, pardon the pun.

Maybe it's because I got into Potter's world thru the movies. Maybe if I had read each of the 10,000-page books, I could've found the interesting aspects in the story. But I don't really care about it all.

And yet, I keep going to see the films. Maybe the reason I keep throwing my money away is twofold: I don't like to be kept out of the loop, and Potter is really big. You don't get a lot of jokes nowdays if you know nothing of the Hogwarts and the Slytherins and everything else.
The other reason is that I keep trying to unlock J.K. Rolling's secret for marketing this crap for millions.

Poor Jessica Alba

She's had a rough patch this year.

First, they dyed her beautiful hair and gave her contacts to try to turn a Latina sexual goddess into a... second rate blond wannabe? I'm talking about the Fantastic Four franchise movie, of course. I mean, if they wanted a blond actress with blue eyes, was it so hard to get one? I'm pretty sure there's a few girls like that. But if they decided to cast Alba as Sue Storm, why not make Sue into a hot Latina? I mean, Jess is a gorgeous girl who's been asked to look like a fake Barbie. The look is so abhorrent that it's almost impossible to focus on anything else but on how unnatural she looks.

Then GQ stepped in. I didn't think you could make a smoldering babe like Jessica Alba look anything but sexy, but photographer Terry Richardson proved me wrong.

First he tried making her hump a stuffed dog.


When that failed to produce the intended result, he made eat a rose like a horse.



And just to make sure he got it right, he made her look mentally challenged, her face devoid of any expression while water drooled out of her mouth.


Mission accomplished!!

Jesus freak

For the past ten weeks, I've been going to a church youth group. I started going for several reasons: I was looking to meet new people, and I wanted to get closer to my spiritual self. I had no idea where to go, since my parish doesn't have one. So I looked around and found two relatively close to my home. I picked out one at random and went.

I don't have to tell you I didn't know anybody and I felt awful. I was totally scared, but the people were really friendly and so I decided to stay.

It's really nice to be around young people who think Catholicism is cool. Up until now, I only saw that much enthusiasm in my mother and my granny.

If you told me three months ago that I'd be doing all this, I think I would've laughed in your face. But I'm so happy!!!

Hair-raiser

I don't recall ever telling you this, but I'm letting my hair grow. It's not that long, but it sure is the longest I've ever had it. Anyhoo, I feel the urge to grab my hair into ponytails. It started small, with a little one in my forehead, where the FLECO had grown quite a bit. I looked like a unicorn.

But now, my hair is longer all over, and yesterday, I went all out. I began using a rubber band like a DIADEMA, and then, when I got home, I made two ponytails on the top of my head, one on each side. I looked at myself in the mirror, and sure enough, I looked totally weird. And despite the fact that it was the first time I'd done such a thing, it looked quite familiar. I tried, but I couldn't place where I'd seen such a thing.

Then today it hit me like a ton of bricks:

I looked like Garu!!!
Now all I need is a Pucca of my own and I'll be set!!

Salsa night!

So the Salsa Nationals are this very Sunday and I'm gonna go. Not as a participant, mind you, but as a mere spectator. This one isn't for amateurs!! My reasons for going are twain:

1. As a student in the salsa arts, I'm keen to see some real professionals do their thing.
2. My ultra hot dance teacher is gonna be there.

Me and my telephoto lens will be there to capture her in all of her glory.

When printers go wrong

I was totally psyched by my brand new color laser printer. I must say my excitement was a bit premature. It took me forever to unpack it. I had to put away about a pound of packing materials. No joke! And when I finally set it up, it printed horribly. Its colors were totally wrong. The images came out all pixelated and yellowish. WTF??

So I tried a million things (actually, just a couple) but nothing worked. The prints came out all crappy over and over. Finally, I gave up and took it back to the store. They didn't want to take it back, but finally they caved.

So now I have a brand new HP Color LaserJet 2600. Check it out:


I thought about installing it, but I've had such a long day, I think I'll wait till tomorrow night to take it out of the box. I'm just too pooped.

More bytes per gallon

I recently bought myself the biggest external drive I've ever seen: the Western Digital MyBook. 500 GB of raw, primal, storage power. I can fit all my computer about four times in there: all my pictures, my music, my work... everything in one neat package. It boggles the mind.

I haven't hooked it up to my Mac just yet. I've lent it to my sister to help her migrate her files to a new computer. But as soon as she's done... I'm gonna start backing up like crazy, just you wait!!

Now in COLOR

I got me a new laser printer today. It's a SAMSUNG CLP300. It's part of a line of new personal color laser printers that just came out. One of the advantages is that its toner cartridges are smaller and cheaper than other brands, but still manages a very large output: over 1000 color pages per cartridge. Sounds about right.

I'm excited. I'll be able to print photos, stickers, cards... without ever running to a printing shop. In the past, I've had to print personal stuff at the office, and now, I just won't have to.

It's a brave new world, lemme tell you!!

UPDATE: It sucked.

Movie night!!

My sister flew into town today, and she brought along two DVDs for me: UHF and Network. Both filled me up with joy, since they're very hard to get.

I decided to see them both right away.

I'd seen UHF before, maybe a couple of years after it came out (1989), so it was more like revisiting a weird amusement park you haven't been to in more than 15 years. Weird Al Yankovich is a genius. Too bad he changed his look. I totally loved it.

I'd never seen Network, though, and I'd been wanting to get it for a while. I'd heard rave reviews and read about the significance of the film (it features the famous line: "I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore!!"). Network envisioned television execs thirsty for ratings and willing to put anything on screen just to get people to watch. And this was 20 years before reality television came along. The film also mentions people who haven't picked up a book in years, yet don't miss a single broadcast of their favorite show.

Sadly, that's truer now than ever.

My button collection

I've started a button collection. I seem to find in buttons the perfect accesory to say 'Hey I'm a wacky kind of guy!!' People just don't look at you in the same way when you have a cool button on your lapel. I think I read that in GQ.

Here's what I got so far:

On the top, we have the first ones I acquired: a button I made to commemorate my 30th birthday, and a couple of patriotic ones that were done in a short-lived burst of patriotism. The second row features one that was given to me by a friend, and one that I bought at a flea-market. Cuteness and raunchiness side by side.

Oh, and here's my newest addition:

Got it today at a shop down at the mall. And when I carry it around, people will know I'm cool just like Space Ghost. Yes, they will.